item: 2 
subj: smalljaw 
from: Captain C
on  : Sat  9-Jul-1994 11:56p

Every thing was black. Smalljaw tried to look around to see where he was, but
the darkness forbid him to.
     "Where am I?" He mumbled to himself weakly.
Smalljaw got up and started walking through the darknes, with no Idea of where
he was or where he was going. He walked for about an hour thinking about the
figt he had with Flipper. When he teleported out he had thought for sure that
he was in a room with a female and a small man, but would seem to have been a
hallucination.Or maybe a vision? Smalljaw's train of thought was suddenly
deraiiled as two bright lights shone in his eyes. Having never encountered
anything so bright he just stood there not knowing what to do. The lights got
brighter and brighter until it was almost unbearable to look at, where upon
they swerved and the lights attached to a car zoomed by.
     "Crazy drunks!" someone shouted from the car.
Smalljaw kept walking until he reached a motel. Realizing that he should
probably rest awhile he walked in.
     "Old man!" He commanded as he walked through the door,"I shall need a
room for the night!"
    "You got the money?" asked the man shifting a nervous eye on the
barbarian.
    Smalljaw grabbed the man and picked him up over the front desk,"you will
give me a room for the night or else!" He growled.
It took very litrtle time to convince the man to get a room ready for
smalljaw,and even shorter time to convince the man to give him all of his
money. He wouldn't nrrd it, smalljaw reasoned, As soon as someone else rents a
room he'll have money again.Smalljaw fell asleep and had quite a restfull
sleep. When he woke up he was in a cage. Again the peer shock of a new
surronding made not say anything as he looked around.From what he could figure
out he was in a jail.His money was gone and so was his backpack. Luckly he
still had his lockpicks, so he was soon out and was walking down the hallway
of the jail. It was strange that nobody was here...no gaurds or anyone.
Smalljaw soon found his pack and lookedat it. Eveything was in order .Beside
the back-pack were two charred people. It was this time smalljaw remebered
about the magical protection he had bestowed as to keep people from going
through his stuff. anyone who did would end up...well burned.Smalljaw took out
his crystal and concentrated.     POOF!       Smalljaw appeared in the bedroom
where he had fought Elmar.He sat on the bed and waited for Carolina. Surly
that other dolphin would be gone. Soon he heard voices,One said that it was
glad that all the trouble was over, and another voice,more masculine, said
that it was glad that everything was back to normal. The door opened and
Smalljaw saw Carolina and Flipper walk in.
     "Hopefully e can get a goodnight's sleep." Flipper said. He then turned
around and saw Smalljaw sittin on the bed looking back.

item: 3 
subj: "FEEL MY POWER" 
from: Flipper
to  : Let Mommy Shoot Him
on  : Sun 10-Jul-1994  1:25p

Flipper stared at Smalljaw, sitting somewhat nervously on the bed. His ire
rose.

"Why can't you people just LEAVE US ALONE!?" he roared, leaping towards
Smalljaw.

Carolina reached out quickly and grabbed Flipper by the dorsal fin,
effectively aborting the leap. "Wait!" she cried.

Flipper stopped, suddenly remembering that Carolina had told him that this man
was helping her. Still annoyed, however, he glared at Smalljaw.

"How did you get in here?" he demanded. "And WHY are you here?"

item: 4 
subj: i hate jello 
from: Captain C
to  : The Lovable Guy
on  : Mon 11-Jul-1994  1:01a

Smalljaw stood up after a minute of silence. He looked at flipper who was near
another berserker rage, and sat back down.
     "Well?" Flipper asked,glaring at Smalljaw.
     "I have seen a vision," Smalljaw started, "And I feel that I might need
some help."
     Flipper stared at him in disbelief. Surely this guy would have gotten a
hint that maybe now was not a good time. "What do you mean you want my help?"
     Smalljaw chuckled, "Yo may have bested me once, but only because I was
caught off gaurd. I need someone with more expierence in combat, and you would
not be able to be of any help."
     "Well what do you want from us?" Carolina asked.
     "I need to know of any great fighters in this world." Smalljaw stated.
Flipper grebbed an old atlas from a bookshelf and opened to a page. He did a
bit of checking and finally showed Smalljaw a place to go.
     "And your sure that there are great fighters there?" Smalljaw asked.
     "Oh, yes. I'm positive." Flipper replied.
     "Very well. Thank-you for your help and now I shall be gone." With that
said smalljaw opened the door and walked out.
Flipper took a deep breath and sat down.
     "Where is he going?" Carolina asked.
     "I sent him to Los Angelas." Flipper said, "Hopefully we won'y be
bothered by him again."
****************

spin spin spin spin spin I hate thids spin spin spin spin spin spin spin THUD!
Smalljaw again made a hard landing and it took him awhile to get his bearings.
As he was colecting his thoughts he wondered why rthe teleports were becoming
much more chaotic. He decided to only use it for emergencys for now on.
Finally he looked around and saw that he was under a sign. Not being able to
read english very well he spelled out the words. What he came out with was:
WELCOME TO THE COMMUNE OF PASTOR KILLJOY. ALL CHRISTIANS WEKLCOME.
   $!!@ ELSIE STREET
   LOS ANGLES GA>
Well at least I made it to los angelas Smalljaw thought as he wlked into the
commun, not relizing his error. Within seconds little children were running
around him laughing and playing and looking at the new person who had just
walked in. They broke off after awhile and finally an old man came to greet
him.
     "Hello stranger," He said, in a deep southren accent, "Yer not from
around here are you?"
     "No, I have traveled far to find a fighter." Small staated in his best
hero voice.
     "Let me guess, You need a fighter of evil?"
     "Yes." Smalljaw answered with his intrest peeking a bit.
     "You need a fighter against all demons who pretend they are man?"
     "Yes." Now this was getting to be fortainate.
     "You need someone with the knowledge and the expertise in these matters?"
     "Yes! Do you know of such prson?"Smalljaw asked.
     "Everyone here is a fighter of evil. And you may join us if you like."
Smalljaw couldn't believee his luck. "How do I join?"
     "Just sign here."Said the man who all of a sudden had a peice of paper in
his hand.
Smalljaw stared at it and relized that this writng was different. all the
ltters were joined together which m,ade it harder to read. But he signed it
anyways (In a childlike scrawl) and the man began to smile very broadly. My
Friends shall show you to your room and tonight you are required to drop in
the main hut for my services. 
Sure enough he was given a hut and after he ate he fell asleep while weaiting
for the night to begin.

item: 5 
subj: This is gonna be... my judgement day. 
from: Feral Ferret
to  : Lumberjack City
on  : Tue 12-Jul-1994  5:30p

Steiner tramped through the forest, heading for the sounds of warfare.  A
pillar of smoke rose into the air several miles away, and from that place, the
sounds of metal clashing against metal, screams of pain and fear, and the
scent of death arose.

Having somewhat longer legs than his recent antagonist, Steiner caught up,
unknowingly, with a small squad of the creatures.  Being somewhat more wary
than he, they'd already set up an ambush.

Much to his dismay, he found himself ringed by a dozen of the ugly, creatures,
snarling and frothing slightly at the... snout.  They were no more than a
dozen feet away.

They glared angrily at him.  Steiner outdid them with a most furious,
pissed-off snarl.  Taken aback, they glanced nervously at each other for a
moment...

The moment was shortlived as Steiner drew his recently-acquired crossbow and
shot one of the ugly beasties in the neck.  It backflipped into the bushes,
spraying a geyser of blood.

"I am NOT in a good mood!" yelled Steiner, charging into combat with nothing
but a shortsword in his fist.  His antagonists charged at him, snarling things
that were untranslatble, but whose intent was plainly clear.

item: 6 
subj: blueness in the sky 
from: Flipper
to  : Means Lite Brites
on  : Thu 21-Jul-1994 11:33p

"Los Angeles?" asked Carolina. "Why?"

Flipper shrugged. "Why not? As good a place as any."

"I think you're overreacting to the whole thing."

Flipper sighed. "I'm tired. He won't hurt himself, and if he comes back, I
promise to be nicer to him. I want to sleep now."

In his mind, Flipper shook his head sadly at himself. 'Why should you be nice
to him?" his mind chastised. 'Be a real dolphin, do what you want. You don't
like the guy, so don't be nice to him for her sake!'

'Nonsense,' replied Flipper to himself. 'I love her, I can do this one little
thing for her.'

'Oh, right,' replied his mind, sighing, and returning to it's usual post.

"Sleep would be a good idea," replied Carolina, completely unaware of the
minor discussion which had just gone through Flipper's mind. She turned to go
to her room, then paused.

"Can you sleep with me tonight?" she asked. "I'm a little nervous still, about
Elmer."

Flipper nodded assent, simultaneously taking in the damage to the room, and
the faint stains of the blood that didn't quite come off, and even the
wrinkles on his bed where Smalljaw had sat.

"Oh course," he replied. He approached Carolina and held her, and they went
off to her room to sleep.

     * * *

It was 1am, and Bud listened to the sounds of his parents sleeping.

They wouldn't miss him now, and he quietly crawled out his window, into the
night. He just HAD to know what was going on with Mr. Flipper's Oceanarium.
Personally, he suspected Mr. Flipper had suffered some kind of injury which
damaged his memory, like he'd read about in his Potato-Man comic, where
Spud-boy lost his memory and turned his emerging crop powers against
Potato-Man, who didn't really want to hurt Spud-Boy, because Spud-Boy was
really his sidekick, and wasn't responsible for the utter destruction he was
causing all over the state of Idaho.

Eventually Potato-Man got Spud-Boy back to normal by dropping a giant masher
on his head at the local mashed-potato plant, and they went back to the
Potato-Field and called it a day.

Bud didn't have a giant, 10-ton potato masher, but he did have a fairly heavy
brass dolphin bookend. He figured dropping it on Mr. Flipper's head should
cure him of whatever his problem was.

item: 7 
subj: The toffees were good. 
from: Flipper
to  : Need Dolphin Pics
on  : Fri 22-Jul-1994  9:24p

Quietly, Bud stole through the fence surrounding the Oceanarium. He knew the
gate wasn't locked shut anymore, but he'd been using this little hole for so
long it had become force of habit.

He looked around, quickly and silently, to ensure nobody had seen him sneak
in. Relaxing only slightly, he began gliding towards the main building.

He began to imagine himself as a ninja, out to eliminate an evil warlord, like
in his Ninjas Be Us comic. No, he corrected himself, that's not right. Mr.
Flipper is just confused, not evil. He instead decided to consider himself a
top-notch secret agent, sneaking a cure in past enemy forces to help a
brilliant scientist under the control of a mind machine. He moved cautiously,
pressing himself up against the wall like Cain Stopmee, the hero of Eye-Spy
comics.

He whirled around a corner, extending his arm, and pulling his thumb like a
trigger.

"BANG! BANG!" he yelled, rolling across the road to the main building,
shooting down a dozen imaginary agents. Suddenly he remembered where he was,
and crouched down in a bush, waiting to see if anyone had heard him.

After a few minutes, it became obvious that nobody had noticed, and Bud moved
on, resolving to spend less time reading comics.

     * * *

Flipper himself was laying awake in bed, next to Carolina. He looked over her
sleeping form, and the love he felt for her warmed every inch of his body. He
was happy and content just holding her, as she slept quietly, breathing every
thirty seconds or so.

He just laid there and watched her breathe, contemplating his past, and
wondering what the future would bring. He resolved that the future would be
under control, that he would somehow create his dreams anew, and live them
out.

He just wasn't sure how.

"Bang! Bang!" he heard from outside, suddenly. His attention focused suddenly
on his hearing.

'Bud?' he wondered. He glanced at the digital clock on the bedside table,
glowing warm red numbers. No, it was too late to be Bud.

In fact, it was too late to be laying awake pondering imponderables. He
shifted himself a bit, to get more comfortable, then closed his eyes to
welcome sleep.

     * * *

"Meep?" cried the mouse, as the cage slammed down over it.

"Come, my friend." A terribly huge face peered into the cage, and the mouse
cowered away from it, trying to jump through the narrowly spaced bars.

"You will be the proof, my friend." The face moved away, and a dark figure
began carrying the cage across a field.

"Meep?" cried the mouse, quivering with fear.

item: 8 
subj: dam yankees 
from: Captain C
to  : Pastor Killjoy
on  : Mon 25-Jul-1994  8:04p

        Smalljaw woke up to find himself on his bed. Some people were shaking
him trying to wake him up. Of course to a warrior trained for nothing but
combat, Smalljaw thought for sure that he was being attacked. He swung out
violently and smashed a young man's face in so far that he sort of resembled a
bulldog. Everyone else jumped back and prayed that Smalljaw's tantrum would be
as shortlived as the bulldog faced man's new lifespan. Eventually Smalljaw
calmed down and was led to the main den for the town meeting.
    "Welcome brother," Pastor Killjoy said as the barbarian entered the room,
"Are you ready to fight the great evil with us?"
    "Yes I am," Smalljaw shouted in a hero voice," Have you assembled the
warriors for the battle?"
    "They are all among us!Every man womyn and child here has the ability to
fight evil!"The pastor ranted.
     "Good, then let us be gone," Smalljaw said as he left for the door.
     "Where are you going?" Growed Killjoy as Smalljaw was walking.
     Smalljaw turned around, "I am off to fight the evil with my army."
     Pastor Killjoy ran up to him,"No-one leaves the grounds here brother."
     "Then how do you fight the evil in this world?" Asked Smalljaw.
     "We pray to the great lord Jesus Christ to come down and smite our
enemies." Killjoy said triumphantly.
Smalljaw broke out laughing as soon as he heard this Could times have gone
this bad that people would pray to that guy, Smalljaw thought. He continued
laughing as he walked out, Hitting whoever tried to get in his way. Once he
made it to a clearing he pulled out his crystal and tried to get to los
angelas. There were the same effects as the crystal teleported him, and landed
him on a tree branch with a hard thud. He got down from the tree and looked
around. Nearby was a dead creature that was humanoid but had sot of a piggish
face. It had an arrow wound in it. Some more looking revealed that there were
tracks, so he decided to follow them. As he was trying figure out where he
was, while walking, He heard sounds of a battle coming from a distance. He
pulled out his sword and rushed forward. Within no time he found the battle.
There were more of the pig creartures and they had surrounded a strangley
dressed human. Neverless, Smalljaw didn't like the odds so he charged in
screaming, waving his sword, and prepared for another battle.

item: 9 
subj: The hippies won't come back you say?  Me 
from: Feral Ferret
to  : California Uber Alles
on  : Thu 28-Jul-1994  5:04p

Loud, obnoxious, jangling music played from a panaply of hidden speakers,
hooked up to the largest, most obnoxious-looking jukebox in existance,
rumoured to have, on the odd occasion, eaten the head of people who dared
shortchange the surly device for a song.

A small, well-dressed man sat at a table, sipping from a tall, fat glass of a
murky brown fluid.  Several pitchers of the stuff sat in the center of the
table, most of which were empty.  The table itself was scarred, battered,
nicked, etched with graffiti, and had a fairly thick, sticky coating of this
fluid, whatever it was.  By the passed-out, slumped looks of most of the other
occupants of chairs near the table, it appeared that the fluid was alcoholic.

Most of the other occupants weren't quite as well-dressed as the man, nor were
they as easily identifiable.  Some of them oozed greenish slime from every
pore in their being, others were rather large, burly beings with crinkly
foreheads, and the rest... were much harder to describe.  All of these beings
were trying their level, drunken best to feign expressions of polite interest
in the small man, who'd been talking for a long while.

"So, ya see," said the man, pressing his lips to the fluid in the glass, and
spilling out a small amount from his glass onto the floor when nobody was
looking, "I knew it was gonna get really weird after that flashy-thing."

"Flashy [hic] thing?" slurred one of the table's occupants.

"Yeah," continued the man, who became somewhat recognizable as Kramodac, the
longer one stared, "like, some crazed little runty guy, like, popped in, got
beaned on the head by my bodyguard, then popped out again."

A quick look around the room revealed Kramodac's bodyguard, Janne, ringed by a
large wall of bleeding corpses.  She had the bartender by the collar, pulled
well over the bar, and was yelling into his face at point-blank range while
gesticulating wildly with her free hand.

"Majhic or shumptin'?" slurred another table occupant, who leaned back a
little too far and lay sprawled backwards over his chair like a lifeless rag.

"Yeah, magic...," Kramodac continued, "that's a good name for it, 'cause there
wasn't any other name to describe it."

When no reply was forthcoming, Kramodac inhaled deeply and continued on with
his story.

"So, apparently," he muttered, "this guy comes in, and my bodyguard decks him
on the bean with the flat of her sword.  He poofs right out of there, probably
not being a sucker for punishment, and that's when I think things got worse."

He licked his lips, tasted the foul brown liquid coating them, and gagged for
a moment, then launched onwards.

"So, you see, I had all these guns, and I spent what little money I had left
on a truck, which I had armoured and souped up a little.  We piled everything
into it that day, being somewhat concerned by the presence of that loonie
popping in and then out without so much as a 'Hi, how ya doin', so we made
tracks.

"It took about two days of driving, which, in and of themselves, weren't
exactly uneventful..."

As his story continued, it evolved and unwrapped itself into something larger,
drawing his quasi-conscious listeners in.


--- Maximus 2.01wb
 * Origin: Oceanarium--Wrath of the Killer Echomail Campaign from Mars
(1:163/438)

item: 10 
subj: Ever wonder what "humane" means? 
from: Flipper
to  : Dolphin Power!
on  : Mon  1-Aug-1994  2:44a

Bud fingered the heavy brass dolphin bookend. He knew that it was up to him to
help Mr. Flipper. He entered the main building without a sound, and made his
way to the living quarters.

At the main office he paused.

"Maybe this isn't a good idea?" he thought. "I mean, what if I hurt him?"

Then he remembered his "What If Maybe..." comic, which was "What If Maybe
Spudboy Stayed Evil?" He couldn't let Mr. Flipper take over the potato
industry, and put millions of Idaho farmers under slavery.

He crept into the living quarters, towards the bedroom. He quietly opened the
door. He saw the white of Carolina's skin in the moonlight through the window,
and quickly closed the door, blushing.

Wrong bedroom.

He opened the next door, and somewhat relieved to not see Carolina, entered
the room. He had thought this was Carolina's room, but maybe they switched.

He reached the bed, and peered through the darkness at it. He couldn't see
anyone on it, which struck him as odd. He reached out, carefully, and then
patted the bed when he realized it was flat, and nobody was there.

He sighed in frustration, as the lights came on.

    * * *

"DAMN!"

The lab echoed with the curse, and the buzzings of dozens of high voltage
transformers, flickering lamps, and rolling CRTs.

A figure in a white lab coat, heavily soiled with grease, soot, and McDonald's
special sauce, swept the small pile of ashes off a round, metallic disk on the
floor, about 2 feet around. A similar disk was in the ceiling above it. He
peered intently into the static patterns on one of the nearby CRTs.

"You're out there, I know you are. When I get this adjusted right, I'll have
my proof!"

He reached into a cage and removed a small field mouse. He tied it's legs
together with twist ties, and put a tiny helmet on it's head. He then placed
in the center of the metal disk.

Standing up, he used a screwdriver to adjust some circuitry on the workbench,
checked a hastily scribbed page of formulae, and took a bite out of a Big Mac.

"Let's see if THIS works," he said, reaching for a toggle switch.

item: 11 
subj: Children make interesting pets. 
from: Flipper
to  : Beware The Wrath Of
on  : Mon  1-Aug-1994  2:58a

"Bud?" asked Flipper, standing at the doorway to the second bedroom. "What are
you doing in here?"

"Uh..." replied Bud, whirling around. He quickly hid the bookend behind his
back.

"Uh," he repeated, his mind searching for an answer. "Just looking around, I
guess."

"At 3am?" asked Flipper. 

"I couldn't sleep!" replied Bud.

"What do you have behind your back?" asked Flipper, beginning to walk forward.

Bud backed off a bit. "It's um... nothing."

"Nothing? I saw something."

"It's... a present! Yes, I brought you a present!" Bud beamed, but he was a
little afraid. Maybe hitting Mr. Flipper over the head would not be such a
good idea after all. Especially right now.

"Oh?" Flipper was taken aback. "That's very nice of you. What is it?"

Slowly, Bud presented the bookend. He handed it meekly to Flipper.

"A bookend? How nice," replied Flipper, somewhat touched by the gesture, if
slightly put off by the poor workmanship. "Only one?"

"I, uh..well, I..." Bud seemed lost for words.

Flipper suddenly realized that his question was probably rude, and that Bud
may have had only enough money for one. He stopped Bud's stammering. "That's
ok, Bud. It's really nice! Let's go put it on my desk, I can use the wall to
hold the other side of the books in place."

Flipper put his fin around Bud's shoulders, and let him out of the room. Then
he remembered how late it was.

"On second thought," he said, "Ms. Carolina is sleeping, and maybe we
shouldn't wake her. Why don't you go sleep in the spare room, and I'll let
your parents know you are here?"

"Oh, that's ok, Mr Flipper," replied Bud. "They didn't know I snuck out, and
they'd be awful mad at me. I'll just sneak back in before they notice. I'd
better go though."

Flipper smiled. "All right, Bud, but don't make a habit of sneaking out."

"No, sir," replied Bud, grinning. He headed out of the building, waving
goodbye, before turning to run home. Actually, he thought, Mr. Flipper seems
ok right now. Maybe I'll wait and see.

'There goes a good kid,' thought Flipper as he closed the door. 'A little
weird, but a good kid.' He laid down beside Carolina again.

She woke up. "What happened?" she asked, groggily.

"Oh, Bud came by to give me a present."

"At 3am?" she asked. "What was it?"

"A dolphin bookend," replied Flipper. "It's ok, let's get some sleep."

Carolina smiled, and snuggled closer to Flipper. He held her, and they slept.

     * * *

"Meep!" >poof!<

"*DAMN!*"

item: 12 
subj: what shall i do? 
from: Captain C
on  : Mon  1-Aug-1994  3:55p

     Smalljaw charched in flinging his sword wildly. These piggish creatures
were no match for him as his blade went through them like a hot knife through
butter. Stiener looked up and saw some strange person  waving a sword and
slaughtering his opponents. After the battle, Smalljaw walked over to Stiener.
    "Are you okay," Smalljaw asked.
    Not wishing to interract today, Stiener chose to ignore him and walked off
with his crossbow armed.
   Smalljaw watched as he walked away and decided that he didn't have the time
follow him. In fact, right about now he was getting tired of saving the
universe and decided that he would just put the fate on someone else's hands.
With that thought and done he grabbed his crystal and teleported vback to the
place where this started.
     THUD! Within seconds Smalljaw was back at the hospital where he barly
escaped from Flipper. "I think I'll make a fresh start in this town." He
thought to himself, "but I'll need some I.D." He walked into the hospital and
eventually found his way to where the patiants stay and didi a little search.
Finally he had found what he was looking for. There was a body builder wanting
to get plastic surgery on his face. All smalljaw had to do was take his place
and assume his Identity after the operation. 
    The body builder stared as Smalljaw approached him.
    "All right buddy, what do you think your doing?"
    Smalljaw didn't answer but grabbed the guy, Tied him in some sheets and
tossed him out the window. He then changed into a hospital gown and waited.
Eventually a doctor came and took him to the operating room. The next thing
Smalljaw remembered was having the bandages taken off his face. He let the
light adjust and then he looked in a mirror. He looked really good. He then
went by the name of the body builders name of John Doe. He was allowed to
leave the hospital and as he waited for a cab, he read a newspaper artical
about how a man who was going under the witness protection program was
executed ganster style. He was found in a hospital gown and the police
believe that he was dragged out by the mob. Smalljaw thought nothing of this
and decided to walk instead of taking a cab. There was only one thing left to
do before he could have a new start and that was destroy the crystal. After
that was done he went to the YMCA to sleep.
     "Flipper won't reconize me," he thought , "Maybe I'll apply for work
there." After lots of thinking, his brain began to hurt.
     I better get some sleep," he thought, "There serving powdered eggs and
it's first come first serve." And with that thought he fell asleep.

item: 13 
subj: It's a whale of a good time, no? 
from: Feral Ferret
to  : Edward J. Mooses Meese.
on  : Wed  3-Aug-1994  2:58p

With a loud frotzing sort of noise, a strange, burly fellow with a somewhat
distorted face appeared behind Steiner.  Steiner, along with his would-be
assailants, all turned to look at the strange newcomer with dumb-founded
confusion.

In unison, the ugly pig-like creatures and Steiner said, "Unnnh?"

Not being the sort of, well, being for polite introductions, the newcomer
pulled out a Cracker-Jack sword and lunged to the attack, screaming weird
words at the tops of his lungs and spraying doughnut bits from his mouth.  The
ugly creatures all turned to Steiner and shrugged.

"Sorry man," the apparent leader said, without any trace of accent, "your
plot's been overridden."

With an almost indifferent attitude, they pulled out their weapons and trotted
at the new guy, who minced, diced, shredded, pulped, julienned, grated and
sliced them up, and was otherwise generally not very nice.

Hearing crashing through the forest, Steiner leaned up against a tree, his
back to the carnage and a bored look on his face.  Sequoia, on the
midnight-black chalicothere, gallopped up, sword waving in hand and horns
lowered, but stopped as soon as she saw Steiner looking bored.

He jerked a thumb behind him, and two heads, one female, the other animal,
turned to see a large man yelling, "Bllaaaaaaaah!", his tongue lolling from
his mouth, as he continued to swing his sword around in various menacing
poses.

They turned back to look at Steiner, and all, even the chalicothere-unicorn
thing, shrugged in unison.

"C'mon, let's blow this stand," muttered Sequoia, motioning behind her on the
creature's back for Steiner to climb aboard.


--- Maximus 2.01wb
 * Origin: Oceanarium--Wrath of the Killer Echomail Campaign from Mars
(1:163/438)

item: 14 
subj: Take up real high then fall down real fa 
from: Feral Ferret
to  : Rabid Rampages
on  : Wed  3-Aug-1994  3:11p

"Excuse me, sir, could you tell us how to find the place they launch space
shuttles from?" asked a tall, blond woman from inside a monstrously huge jeep,
studded with rivets and apparently very-well armoured.

"Ahh, piss... erk!" replied the guy, whose attempt at being a foul-mouthed
punk were cut short by a powerful arm snaking out, grabbing him on the collar,
and hauling him in closer for a good yelling session, but accidentally
smashing his head against the upper frame of the open window.

Janne released the body, which slumped to the ground.  She turned to Kramodac,
who was behind the wheel, and mouthed the word, "Whoops," at him.  He rolled
his eyes in reply.

By dint of a lot of luck, a couple more failed interrogations, and finally, by
more luck, a successful interrogation, they managed to find an access road
leading only three miles from the launch site.

Of course, the site was rather well blocked by a quartet of humourless guards,
which was quickly remedied by the judicious application of a 9mm pistol and a
bastardsword.


--- Maximus 2.01wb
 * Origin: Oceanarium--Wrath of the Killer Echomail Campaign from Mars
(1:163/438)

item: 15 
subj: hmmm 
from: Captain C
on  : Fri  5-Aug-1994  5:47a

     Smalljaw woke up in the middle of the night to find a thin man standing
at the foot of the bed.
    "What do you want?" Smalljaw asked groggily,trying to focus on the person.
    "Smalljaw, kid, You better sit down fo this." The man said somewhat
monotoned.
    "I'm lying down actually,"replied a sarcastic Smalljaw. By now his eyes
had adjusted properly and he was able to see the man. He was dressed in a bad
suit of a olive green color and had a cheap cellular phone in his hand.
    "My name is Jones and I represent your agency," He paused so Smalljaw
could take this all in, "It seems that you aren't pulling in the ratings that
we had hoped for, so I'm afraid we'll have to cancle you."
    "What?" Smalljaw asked. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "what do
you mean canceled? 
    "We're taking you out of the story, untill a time when you'll be needed."
Jones said.
    At that moment his phone rang and he excused himself to answer the phone.
As Jones had his back turned, Smalljaw thought that now would be an oppertuned
moment to leave. Quietly he tip-toed to the door and slipped out.
    "Has he left yet?" asked the man on the phone.
    "Yes sir he has." Jones replied.
    "Good, come back to the station. There's a *My little pony* You need to
re-write.
    Jones Hung the phone up and looked around. "Yes," He thought to himsel,
"This could pan out." With that said he walked out of the room and was never
heard from again.

88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

   The Greyhound pulled to a stop and the doors opened wide. The Bus driver
stormed out and opened the baggage compartments. He heaved out two big
suitcases and threw them to the ground. He then stormed back on the bus and a
second later, a young man flew out of the open doorway. The man made a
wonderful 1 point landing on his face and stayed on the ground in an awkward
position as the bus door closed and the bus sped away. Finally the man stood
up and dusted himself off. Soon his clothes looked semi-decent and he walked
over and picked up his suitcases. The man looked around and finally found a
motel in the distance. As he walked to it, he kept trying to think of the name
of the town he was in. When he couldn't think of the name, he cursed about his
lack of observation and as he was doing that he walked right past the motel.
It took him about a block before he relized how far he went and he walked
back. The motel was a little dingy but it was affordable. He booked a room for
a month and went to his room.

item: 16 
subj: Smile Creatures from Outer Space 
from: Flipper
on  : Tue  9-Aug-1994  4:32a

The man in the stained lab jacket paced back and forth across the floor of his
basement workshop. Slime grew on the ancient cement walls, and cracks
spiderwebbed across the floor beneath his feet, but he paid these no mind. A
spider crossed his workbench, and leapt on a fly enjoying a spilt drop of
special sauce. This, too, was unimportant to him.

His dimensional transverser was not operating as it should have. Instead of
transporting his mice across time and space, it was turning them into small
piles of ashes. He sadly surveyed the garbage can full of these ashes. He was
out of mice again, and they were getting harder to locate.

He sat down and reached for his notebook, intently searching for the error in
his calculations.

     * * *

Bud got home, slipped into his window, and went back to bed. 

He couldn't sleep. He tried tossing and turning, counting sheep, and just
lying very still with his eyes closed.

Sighing, he opened his eyes and looked around. On his beside table he spied
his latest edition of The UltiMan comics. He took the comic, and removed a
flashlight from his drawer. Crawling under the covers, he began to reread
Ultiman's latest conflicts, listening intently for his parents.

     * * *

Unaware of anything but their closeness to each other, Flipper and Carolina
slept happily on.

item: 17 
subj: (Hold it.  Whoah.  HOLD IT!) 
from: Feral Ferret
to  : Tripping Up, So Tense.
on  : Tue  9-Aug-1994  3:19p

Kramodac sighted down the barrel of his 9mm pistol, down at quivering,
panicked security guard cowering in the corner.  As his finger tightened on
the trigger, an odd vision swam in his head...

[Two people, one about 6'5" and horribly muscular, and a small woman, maybe 5'
tall, rode on the back of the darkest creature on earth--midnight black... it
faintly resembled a horse, but had claws on its hooves and an edged blade-like
thing protruding from its forehead.  Its eyes glowed red quite balefully, and
it looked like an incarnation of great evil.]

[They were on a great, grassy plain, and the sun was setting in the horizon.
The plain was very smooth, and sound carried well in the still evening air.
As the vision progressed, the sounds of hooting, snickering, and
thigh-slapping hilarity wafted to the listener... along with what might have
passed for equine chortling.]

Kramodac stood, wobbling slightly, as the vision passed from his mind.  His
eyes narrowed at the security guard his pistol was trained on, and with a lip
curled in an evil sneer, he reached out with his free hand and pinched the
guard on the nose.

"I gotcher nose, I gotcher nose!" yelled Kramodac, running back for the truck,
motioning for Janne to jump in.  With a loud roar and the screech of spinning
tires, he drove off into the launching area.

"Hey!" yelled the guard, recovering from his shock to climb to his feet,
stagger onto the road and shake a fist at the back of the driving truck, "Give
me my nose back!"

                          *       *       *

[author's note:  Live in fear--I think I like those asterisk thingies.]

By some utter fluke, they managed to drive up to the launching pad without
further incident.  Kramodac pulled out a large cardboard box and walked up to
the boarding door, with only three minutes to go before lift-off.  He rapped
on the door with his elbow, and it creaked open a little.

"Yes?" asked a space-suit clad form.

"Domino's Pizza," muttered Kramodac, proferring the cardboard box.  "Speedy
delivery."

The astronaut looked back into the cockpit.

"Okay," he muttered, "which one of you guys ordered the pizza?  Didn't I tell
you that eating this soon before takeoff will give ya cramps?"

"Uhh, wasn't me..."
"Nope..."
"Duuuh, huh huh, not me..."
"Nuh-unh..."
"No way..."
"Does it have garlic?"

Dead silence.

"You ordered a pizza with garlic?!" screamed several irate astronauts in
unison.  "We were gonna go into orbit with a garlic breath?!"

The sounds of scuffling were soon heard from inside the cabin.  Two minutes
remained.

"Uhh, guys?" interjected Kramodac, "maybe you wanna take it outside where you
won't hurt each other on those sharp things sticking out?"

With a hang-dog look on their faces, several astronauts trooped out and began
beating on each other.  Within a few minutes, a loud roar announced the
departure of their shuttle, but their attention was fixated primarily on the
cardboard box left on the gantry.  It contained pizza, and it had no garlic.
It was very good.


--- Maximus 2.01wb
 * Origin: Oceanarium--Wrath of the Killer Echomail Campaign from Mars
(1:163/438)

item: 18 
subj: let's try gain shall we 
from: Captain C
on  : Tue  9-Aug-1994 10:44p

    Morning came very soon for the young man , and he felt that maybe he shoud
get up and get some breakfast. "Afterall, they will already have started," he
thought to himself. It had been two days now since he quit the secret service
and he knew tha they would be racing him. He got dressed and went into the
adjoining restaurant of the motel. he sat down and ordered the eggs with
bacon.Cautiously he looked around and tried to spot anyone who might have
followed him in. out of the corner of his eye he noticed a man mumbling what
looked liked to his eggs. thinking that for sure that this must be his
follower he caually walked up and sat down beside the manwho was still
mumbeling to his eggs.
    "I know your following me," The young man said.
    "How can I follow you if i've just ordered you?"The man asked his eggs.
    "What is it you want?" the young man asked.
    The other man seemed completely oblivious to him and continued facing hids
eggs."Why, I want to eat you," he said , prodding the eggs with his fork,
"before I eat you, what shall I call you?"
    "This must be some kind of code," The young man thought to himself. Since
he could not think of a counter phrsae the young man remained silent.
    "Perhaps I'll call you Mr. Rogers,"The other man continued. "I'm going to
eat Mr. Rogers," He sang gleefully.
    The young man finally deduced that this guy was just a loon and went back
to his food. he ate quickly and paid for the meal. he checked out of the hotel
and started walking towards town. He walked for awhile before he saw a sign
that attracted his attention. It was a help wanted sign outside of a tinker
shop. he went in and within minutes got the job as a tinkerer and traveling
salesman. now he could have some extra money and be able to do his inventing
again. wht a great job. When he was asked for his name he simply said "Mr.
Smith" so that was what evryone called him. afterall, he couldn't let anyone
know his real name. that might bring them here. He had tried so hard to keep
his name secret that he had trouble remembering it himself. But now he ad to
think about work. He opened one of his suitcases and pulled out an awful
device that was crudly put together. At one time, he had hoped that he had
made a beam that could create instant strenght but instead created instant
diahrerra. He had gotten into big trouble when he tested the beam on the
agency's best agents, causing them to be bed riddin for two months. still he
had felt that there was promise in the device so he kept working on it.

item: 19 
subj: This is gonna be pure chaos... as it sho 
from: Feral Ferret
to  : Death Machine
on  : Mon 15-Aug-1994 11:59a

They fairly chugged through space, crawling more than cruising, in a vessel
designed for low earth orbit, not interstellar travel.  The whole affair
looked rather ludicrous--the space shuttle Discovery, strapped to a large,
emergency boost unit with what appeared to be great swaths of duct tape.

"I wish I thought about steering sooner," muttered Kramodac to himself, as
they missed an inter-stellar highway corner and shot off through somebody's
space-cow field, the police in hot pursuit.

                        *       *       *

[When I first saw the dame, I knew she was gonna be nothing but trouble.
Don't ask me how I knew--it was just some odd sort of intuition.]

"So, y'see," Sequoia giggled, "I went home, picked up some special toys, then
came back, that's all."

She unsheathed a longsword and plunked it on Steiner's desk.  It glowed from
within with a faint, blue light, which trended more towards the paisley the
longer one stared at it.

[Yeah, she was a cute number, alright.  Long, red hair right down to about...
*there*, good build, body just about any sane man would die for.  'Course, I
wasn't just about any sane man... I was Steiner.  Richard Steiner.  Detective
for hire.]

Steiner ensured his fedora was pulled low over his head, pulled his feet from
his desk, and stared at the sword with some interest.

"You w're jus' giv'n this thing?" he slurred.

"Yeah... strangest thing.  Some old woman just gave it to me, didn't even give
me a good explanation either."

"Hmmmmm," hmmed Steiner, stroking his chin in thought.

[I don't know really what she wanted, this woman, but she was offering to pay
my expenses, plus a hefty reward if I solved her problem, nebulous as it was.
Well, business was tight, and I was hurting for work... and who was gonna say
no to a face like that?]

"C'mon," she urged, "let's get a drink."

[Man can't say no to that offer.]

Steiner grunted in assent, tugged his trenchcoat off his coatrack, ensured his
.45 magnum was loaded and safely tugged in his shoulder holster, threw his
overcoat over his shoulders, and followed her out.

With Sequoia in the lead, they walked down the dingy stairs from Steiner's
office to the main landing, Steiner leisurely clomping down in patent leather
shoes, Sequoia trotting down markedly faster.  She was already at the front
door by the time he hit the last of the stairs, just in time to see an old
sedan pull up across the road and screech to a halt.  Four men hastily jumped
out on the far side of the car, tommy guns at the ready.

Steiner had barely enough time to throw himself into a small niche in the wall
and fumble for his handgun, when the sounds of angry yelling, tommy gun fire,
and loud screams of pain assailed his ears.

He poked his head and handgun out of cover, to see the glittering arcs of
metal streak out across the road and embed themselves into a man's chest.  He
cartwheeled backwards under the blows, his gun dropping to the ground and
firing off a couple of bursts randomly into the air.

Steiner hastily trotted forewards and and examined the men.  All were
perfectly dead, killed instantly with perfectly-thrown knives.  They were all
wearing neat, dark-grey pinstriped suits with matching hats.

[Gangsters.  Giovanni's men.]

He bared his teeth and gesticulated at the woman, who'd climbed behind the
wheel of the car and was pretending to drive, complete with motor noises
burbling from her lips.

"C'mere and help me get rid of this mess," he muttered.

                        *       *       *

The bodies of four men in the trunk of the car did a lot to kill its
manueverability, but the old sedan still had decent punch on straight lines,
as Steiner discovered to his horror when he let Sequoia drive.  He kept
downing shots of scotch until the whites in his knuckles dissappeared, which
took the better part of a bottle.

[Four of the Don's men, sent to kill 'er... and me caught without enough *hic*
scotch.  Damn.]

--- Maximus 2.01wb
 * Origin: Oceanarium--Wrath of the Killer Echomail Campaign from Mars
(1:163/438)

item: 20 
subj: where's flipper??!??!!? 
from: Captain C
to  : Howdy Doody
on  : Mon 15-Aug-1994  6:47p

    Mr. Smith continued on his gun of immense strength and was beginning to
lose hope. Although the gun no longer gave people diarehha, it still would not
make people stronger. Instead it had in the past several tests gave people
immense, stupidity,(whereas the test subjects went off to try to catch the bus
with their teeth.), immense ego (who trotted off to the nearest skin magazine
to show off their beautiful bloated bodies, or were shot by teenage thugs.),
and immense schizophrenia,(whereas they ran off sgouting about monkey's being
everywhere). All of the other failures had given Smith an immense headache,
and he was tired. He dropped his head on the table and fell asleep. and jus
like everyone else who sleeps, he dreamed.

     "May I have your identification please?" asked a dreamy checkout girl.
    "Uh.. for what?" Mr.smith asked.
     "To get access to see god," she answered.
    "Who?" Smith asked again, not sure as to where he was.
    "God," the girl replied as she chewed on a piece of gum. Smith noticed a
combination of speariment and an acrid smell coming from the girl.
    "Which god?"He asked.
    "The god," the girl began,"You know, the lord, your savior."
    "No I don't know," he said, But why do I need I.D. to see him in my own
dream?" he asked as he walked through some doors. he could hear the girl
protesting but he decided that if it was his dream he should be able to do
what he wanted. As he past the doors he noticed that he was in a western style
saloon. He also relized which god he needed I.D. to see. The music was the old
style piano playing and he like everyone else in the room were geared up in
western attire. he looked over the crowd in the saloon. From his background of
legends and myth he could tell that the room was filled with gods from
different religons. Finally he decided that he better get to the bottom of
this dream.
    "I'm looking for a god," he began in his best John Wayne voice. he was
greeted by nothing as the gods continued minding their own buisness. "He goes
by the name of Jehova."
    At once the bar became silent as evryone turned to stare at him. slowly
the music started again and the talking continued. Smith decided that seeing
as how he was in a western that he may as well act it out as well. With all
his might, he tried to mosey over to the bar. Unfortainatly he got halfway
before he relized that his mosy looked more like someone who had lockjaw all
the way down to the knees, so he gave up and walked normally to the bar.
     "Hello their,"The bartender grunted with his eyes full of suspicion,"what
can I get you?"
     "Beer." Smith grunted out, trying to fit into the crowd...with failure.
The room was filled with laughter as he had made his order and it took a
couple of minutes to die down. although their were still the fingers pointing
and whispering.
    "In these parts, we only serve Milk!" The bartender sneered.
    "In a dirty glass, right?" Smith returned the sneer only to recieve
another jolt of laughter.
    The bartender poured him a glass of miolk and walked off. Smith turned
around and scanned the room for any sign of The god his subconcious sent him
to look for. Outside their was a galloping of hooves and a dirty old man came
stumbling in.
    "It's jehova cassidy, and the jesus kid!" The crowd became silent, "And
they're coming this way!"
    within seconds the place cleaed of all demi-gods and lower dieties leaving
the bar empty, except for one table and Mr.Smith. The doors of the saloon blew
off their hinges and the bartender decided that now would be an ample time to
vacation to a place that was not here. Mr. Smith looked on. The door was
filled with a massive form that blocked most of the light from getting in.
Their was a pause as thge massive form moved over to the table with the others
and sat down.
    The massive form looked towards the door,"Jesus! Get your bony hide in
here!!"
    "Coming right away Jehova," Came a whiny voice from outside. All of a
sudden their was a flash of light and a loud Zot sound including a screech of
pain from outside." I mean My Lord," Came the winy voice again. After that a
little man with a halo on his head and not even a third of the size of the
former entered the saloon. Mr. Smith noticed that this person was smoldering a
bit. The smoking man joined the others at the table and they all began to
tyalk. Mr. Smith wited to see what would happen before he approached. The huge
figure looked at Smith and then turned to talk yo his friends who had pointted
him out.
    "Hey Smith!" The big man shouted," Get over here!"
    Smith walked over and tipped his hat," Err, hello," was the only thing he
could think of.
    "Word has it that your looking for me," God shouted.
    Smith looked over at the others before answering Their was a big man with
a long beard , eyepatch, and wearing a cross between a viking helmet, and a
ten gallon hat, Another man was a fat chinese guy wearing some robes and
western chaps, Jesus who had somhow pulled out a sombereo that was too big and
was now wearing it to cover up his smoking head and Jehova who wore all black
and a tall cowboy hat with a wide brim. "yes , you heard right." He finally
said. 
    "Oh yeah About what?" Jehova asked continuing his god voice.
    "I'm not too sure about that," Smith replied.
   "Well sit down for a game of poker. I'm sure it'll come to you again." The
god said sounding a bit more friendlyer.
    Smith decided that this was a good idea and sat down to play cards and
think about why he was here.

item: 21 
subj: lot's of writing for me 
from: Captain C
to  : Jesus
on  : Mon 15-Aug-1994 10:06p

    Odin threw his crds down in disgust. "Her won again! I can't believe it."
    Smith just smiled and grabbed the pot from the middle. He then grabbed the
cards and delt them out with skill and looked at his hand. Another full house.
he eyed his competitors and studied their faces. Odin was sweating badly now,
Bhudda just groaned as he looked at his cards, Jesus had fallen asleep at the
table because it was so late and, There was Jehova, sitting across from him,
stoned faced.
  The bets were made and again Smith won by a landslide. He chuckled to
himself as he grabbed his new winnings, and began to think about how much
money he had won. After all, money meant power, power meant strength and....
His brain paused for a second on that word strength. Then he remembered. He
was having problems with his gun and only Jehova could take him to someone
smart enough to figure out how to make it work. He might be able to help too.
    Smith was shaken out of thought as Jehova grabbed him. "I think you are a
cheaten!" Ranted Jehova.
   "Impossible,"Smith began, "Why, or even how could I cheat a god?"
   "your lying doesn't help you any boy!" Ranted the angry God," I can read
your thoughts and I know how you marked the deck and I know why you are here!
Well you can just forget it!"
   "Look, Jehova..." Smith began, but as soon as he said the name a tiny
little cloud appeared over his head and shot lightning through him.
   "You stupid mortal!" You dare invade my sanctuary and defy my holy rules?"
Jehova ranted on.
   "Invade?"Smith asked, smoking a little, "Listen Jehova (ZOT) This is just a
dream. MY dream."
   "Wrong mortal," The god shouted,"Somehow you entered the realm of the gods
while you slept. The only way I see to punish you for your sins is that you
shall never dream again!" Jehova said while snapping his fingers.

    Smith awoke from his table and stood up. His clothes were still smoldering
a bit and it ws morning. Reluntantly he went back to work on his gun. after a
bit of tinkering he tested it on a passerby and within seconds the passerby
started to run,really, really fast. he didn't stop running until he had hit a
parked bus and was knocked out from the impact. Smith sighed and went and
grabbed his jacket. now would be a good time for breakfast.

item: 22 
subj: Rosemary's Baby.  (Man, yer slow.) 
from: Feral Ferret
to  : Flipper
on  : Wed 17-Aug-1994  3:02p

They arrived at the bar, just as Steiner finished emptying his hipflask, and
nonchalantly walked inside.  It was a dusky, dank place, even at three in the
afternoon, with cigarette and cigar smoke clouding the air.  Steiner's eyes
passed expertly over the crowd, then returned to stare intently at one man.
He had a ruddy, sun-beaten face, and was wearing yellow oil-coat and a large,
battered rain hat, also in the same shade, and a fishing pole was leaned up
against the wall nearby.

[There was something fishy about this guy, but I couldn't quite tell what.]

The man was speaking, and a few people were listening to him with faint
interest.

"Then I saw this one, had a span about this wide," uttered the man, gesturing
with his hands, "so I just up and cast the line.  Had nice suet bait on it...
knew the sucker was gonna take the bait, and it did... but I never expected it
was just gonna up and fly off.  My line warn't strong enough."

"What's he talkin' about?" muttered Steiner to an old woman sitting nearby,
jerking a thumb at the man in the rain gear.

"Oh, that Bill!" she replied with a laugh, "He's just telling his
Bird-That-Got-Away stories again."

Steiner sighed deeply and accepted the tumbler of scotch that Sequoia handed
to him, whereupon they moved to a slightly quieter table in the corner.

                        *       *       *

"Lemme see yer license an' registrashun, son," uttered the police officer,
which looked more like a cross between a bird and a six-tentacled starfish.
It stood about eight feet tall, and had a purple body.

"Uhh," stammered Kramodac, hastily looking through the shuttle's glovebox, "I,
uhh..."

"Y'wanna tell me y'don't have a license fer that contrapshun?" drawled the
officer who, upon closer examination, had a very red plumage on his neck,
"Y'all know what we do 'roun' these parts with fellas that don't got their
registrashun?"

Janne, clad in a spacesuit, chose this moment to try to deck the officer with
the flat of her sword.  However, since they were in zero g, she was entirely
unable to control her swing and tumbled off the shuttle's windshield instead.

"Assawltin' a officer's a bad charge to be gettin' yerself into, too, ya know.
'Fraid I'm gonna hafta take y'all in."


--- Maximus 2.01wb
 * Origin: Oceanarium--Wrath of the Killer Echomail Campaign from Mars
(1:163/438)

item: 23 
subj: I'm still hungry 
from: Flipper
on  : Wed 17-Aug-1994  6:21p

The sun rose, casting a warm reddish glow over the Oceanarium, and through the
window into Flipper's room.

Flipper and Carolina woke up, and rolled to face each other. They gazed into
each other's eyes, and smiled mutally.

Flipper pulled the blind down over the window, and they both went back to
sleep.

     * * *

"I can't understand the problem," slurred the scientist. Lack of sleep was
beginning to get to him, as he absently brushed the latest ashes off the
platform. "Everything seems to be correct."

He stared at his scribbed calculations until they began to blur, and swim
around him. He gazed with wonderment as the figures lifted up off the page,
and began circling his head.

"Now stop that!" he insisted. "Get back on the page where you belong."

The numbers and symbols settled down, and returned themselves to the page.
When he looked again, he noticed a slightly different order, and a note
scrawled under the formula, in his own handwriting, no less.

"Required mass at least 200 pounds!"

He smiled slightly, and lowered his head to sleep.

item: 24 
subj: I'm behind, so I'll catch up a bit 
from: Flipper
on  : Wed 17-Aug-1994  6:32p

He woke up late, long after the sun had set, and several hours after Flipper
and Carolina had completed their own rather quiet day, and returned to sleep,
together, of course.

He struggled under the last of the "weilder" 25 pound weights, carrying it
from a cart to the metal disk. With a heavy sigh he released it, and it landed
on the disk, along with 7 others.

"There," he sighed, sweat pouring from his brow. "200 pounds."

He kicked the cart away, and returned to his control panel.

"NOW!" he said triumphantly, "I shall PROVE I'm not crazy!"

He threw the switch. Lights dimmed, and there was a loud poof from the disk.
The absense of a >MEEP< struck him as odd, till he remembered that he was long
out of mice, and squirrels, and chipmunks, and even a skunk.

He didn't repeat the experiment with other skunks.

He anxiously looked over at the disk, to see what the results were. On the
disk was, he estimated, about 200 lbs of rocks.

"ROCKS? This proves NOTHING! These are the same as EARTH rocks!"

Indeed, closer examination would have shown that they were merely the
shattered remnants of the concrete used to line the weights to begin with.

A thought entered his mind. "I need a live subject. A cow... or a horse. No, a
cow." He remember a traumatic experience from his youth, where he'd been dared
to try to shoe a horse by his friends. Having no idea what to do, he'd picked
up a horseshoe, a dozen penny nails, and his father's new claw hammer from the
department store downtown, and sat down behind the old work horse to work.

The work horse decided that he wasn't too keen on having horseshoes mounted by
a kid who couldn't even lift the leg off the ground, let alone use the right
nails, so it delivered a mighty kick to his groin.

The scientist sat down, suddenly feeling ill with the memory. After it passed,
he began removing the rock, preparing for the next test.
 

item: 25 
subj: do de do 
from: Captain C
to  : Herg
on  : Fri 19-Aug-1994  1:14a

    Smith wondered about the dream he had. it was confusing and yet it did
seem real at one point. but he laid down for the night, with the words,
"you'll never dream again," echoing through him. He have to get that checked
out. Sledep came and slapped him around, making sure that he was out for the
night. 

    Smith looked around to gain his bearings. He was in a strange place where
evrything was a paisly pink. there was a crib in the middle of the room and
the sound of muzak could vbe heard evrywhere. Smith felt himself compelled to
take a look in the crib. he gave a slight gasp as he looked in and saw Bill
Clinton laying inside...wearing a diaper. Suddenly a nurse rushed in and
grabbed Bill and started to speak,
    " Time for your feeding," the nurse began as she shoved a bottle filled
with money into the presidents mouth. The president happily gurgled away
untill the bottle was empty, He then bawled until given a fresh bottle and
continued on consuming.
    "That's it, take all you can," the nurse said, "after all you can't take
it with you."
    "Give me a break!!" Smith shouted, "this has got to be the lamesty dream
ever!" 
    Bill and the nurse stopped what they were doing and looked at smith as if
he had just appeared. they looked at one another and then back at smith,
unsure of what to do.
    "If you want to feed him, why not serve him the same thing he's served the
taxpayers!" Smith shouted as a shovel full of manure appeared in his hands.
then ten started stuffing it down the presidents mouth screaming different
obcenities while the nurse, ran around not sure of what to do. 


    Suddenly Smith awoke. He wasn't sure what had excatly happened, but he did
know that he had a bit of control in that dream. he thought that maybe the TV
$59.99 dollar dream course had finaaly started to work,(Although why it took
five years, he didn't know.) he went back to sleep after awhile and slept till
morning with no incidents. Meanwhile in a certain country, a certain president
woke up to the horrible taste of dung in his mouth.
    The next day, Smith decided to take a walk, he happened to pass by an old
oceanariam and paused when he thought he saw two walking dolphins. when he
blinked they were gone,(or out of sight his brain whispered) he ignored his
brain and went back to the shop to work on his gun, after hours of tinkering
he got fed up. No matter what adjustments he made, the gun would not give
immense strength. And lately it was firing at random. giving a variety of
immense things. which frusterated him even more. He decided to sleep on it.

CRASH!!!!  Smith awoke to the sound of a door being busted off by the hinges.
he ran out to the shop just in time to see a big man in a light grey
pin-striped suit grab half of his gadgets off the table.
     "Hey you!! Stop!!" Smith yelled.
    the man kept on running until he jumped into a car that sped off. Smith
caught the license number of the car and ran back inside to see what was
taken.
   -a wrist communicator
   -two mini explosives
   - goverment issue tear gas
   - his experimental drugs that numb pain
   - a pen knife
   - a mini lie detector
   - his gun of immense strength.
 
    Smith began to panic. The gun was still dangerous even though it would not
give strength, it could be even worse. there was no telling what it could do
in the wrong hands. Smith decided that he had to get it back and set off in
pursuit of the car.

item: 26 
subj: politics are evil 
from: Flipper
to  : Damn Crashes
on  : Mon 22-Aug-1994 10:12p

That evening, Dr. Revlis (I finally decided to name the scientist), left his
basement lab, climbed into his rusty old Pinto, and puttered off down the
road.

His desination: the outskirts of town. Surely one of the large fields would
contain a cow for his experiments.

     * * *

Carolina neatly wrapped the last tuna-steak sandwich in wax paper, and placed
it in the wicker basket. She took a last check to ensure everything was there:
sandwiches, wine, glasses, blanket, napkins, and two pieces of chocolate cake.
She smiled. Flipper liked chocolate cake, it would be a nice surprise for him.

She left the kitchen, and Flipper met her by the living room. 

"Ready?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yes. Let's go, this could be fun."

"What could be more romantic," asked Flipper, "than an early evening moonlight
picnic? Just the two of us. Things have finally settled down, it's about time
we spent more time together."

Carolina smiled back. They left the building arm-in-arm, so to speak.

     * * *

Flipper raised his wine glass, as he sat against a large tree with Carolina.
They'd already eaten, and were relaxing together.

"To our quiet future together," he toasted. Carolina smiled sweetly, and
raised her glass with his. 

They each took a sip, and looked into each others eyes. Then they layed back
against the tree, side by side, holding each other while they looked at the
stars.

They both felt the pull towards each other, a silent understanding of love and
desire, but it didn't last very long.

Only a few seconds, actually, before the gradually growing sound of rattles,
pings, and a badly tuned engine ruined the mood.

"What is that?" asked Carolina.

Flipper looked around. "There," he pointed. A pair of headlights were visible
on the field, approaching them. "It looks like a car in this field!"

"Why would anyone be driving in a field?" asked Carolina.

"I dunno," replied Flipper. They stood up to await this vehicle.

     * * *

"Finally!" cried Dr Revlis, spying a mottled white and dark shape in the
distance. "I KNEW there would be a cow out here somewhere!"

item: 27 
subj: and of course, he didn't call back. 
from: Flipper
to  : No, No, No...
on  : Mon 22-Aug-1994 10:45p

The doctor stopped about 100 feet back, turned off the car (except the
headlights), and stepped out. He wasn't sure in the sharp contrast of the car
beam, but the figure moving in the light didn't look much like a cow. It
looked more like two small cows, perhaps.

"Here, cow!" he called, pulling a carrot from his pocket. "Nice cow!"

"We're not COWS!" called Flipper back. "We're DOLPHINS."

Dr Revlis stopped. Dolphins? Talking dolphins? Talking dolphins in a field? He
looked some more. STANDING talking dolphins in a field? Nevertheless, he
approached them, thinking fast.

Dolphin --- mammal --- order Cetacea --- most common species: Delphinus
delphis --- average weight: 200-600 pounds.

That was all he needed to know.

"My, my, yes, I'm sorry, I'm so very sorry," he stuttered, trying to measure
Flipper and Carolina up. He could now clearly see the two dolphins standing
before him, about six feet tall. (Somewhat short, his mind commented.) One was
clearly a grey bottlenose male (except that he's standing), and the other a
female albino bottlenose (who's also standing). They must have been standing
beside each other, that would explain the mottled shape he had seen.

"Quite fine specimins you are, too," he muttered, searching his pockets for a
measuring tape, then measuring Flipper and Carolina for height. 6'1 and 5'11.

"What are you doing?" asked Flipper.

"Hmm," he asked, completely distracted. "Oh, yes, yes, I'm sorry. My name is
Dr. Revlis. I'm a physicist, and I'm looking for..." His brain intercepted the
word "test subjects" and rejected it, considering the possibility that these
test subjects might be intelligent enough to take offense. It quickly replaced
the phrase.

"...experimental volunteers to help me complete a project which will
revolutionize the world!"

"Really?" asked Carolina, somewhat snidely. "How so?"

"Quite right, quite right, how so?" He quickly ran through and disposed of a
dozen possible experiments which might pique these animals' interests, before
deciding on one.

He pulled out a small notebook and a pencil, and began quickly scribbing down
calculations.

"Well...?" asked Flipper. "How will you revolutionize the world?"

"Oh, I beg your pardon," replied the doctor. "I do get so involved. Would you
mind, please, telling me how much you weigh?"

Flipper was somewhat startled. "Ummm... about 220 pounds, I guess."

The doctor checked his notepad, and nodded. "Ah yes, very good, very good. And
you, Miss?"

Carolina narrowed her eyes. "That's none of your business," she stated.

"Ah yes, quite right, quite right, you're too light anyway. Oh yes, yes,
Aero-hydro-dynamics."

Carolina's jaw dropped open at the 'too light' comment, but both her and
Flipper appeared confused at the phrase.

"What?" asked Flipper.

Dr. Revlis folded his notepad and put it back into his pocket.
"Aero-hydro-dynamics." He motioned to Flipper. "If you'd just get into the
car, we can be on our way."

"Hey!" called Carolina. "Now just a minute! What are you going to do? What
about me?"

"<Aero..hydro.. dynamics...>" mused Flipper. "You mean like moving through
both water and air?"

"Yes, yes," replied the doctor. He turned to Carolina. "I just need him for
one little test... and then I'm through with him."

"<I'd be able to fly... and swim?> I think I want to see this, Carolina," said
Flipper.

Carolina sighed. "All right, but I'm coming too."

"No, no, no," replied the doctor. "You're too light, it won't work."

"I don't know what you mean by these 'too light' comments," growled Carolina,
"but..."

"Let her come, please," said Flipper. "She won't hurt anything."

It'll be faster this way, he decided. She certainly was a striking beauty,
too.

"yes, yes... get in then." Dr Revlis got into the car.

Flipper and Carolina climbed into the back seat, making the worn out
suspension sag towards the field.

'We left the chocolate cake behind,' thought Carolina sadly.

"By the way," said Flipper, as the car began crawling and puttering off the
field, "I'm Flipper, and this is my fiance, Carolina."

Carolina paused. "Your... what?" she asked slowly.

"If you'll have me," smiled Flipper. He brought out a small ring case and
opened it up. Inside was a pretty, though inexpensive ring.

Carolina's eyes sparkled. Tears ran down the sides of her face.

"Oh, yes!" she cried. She removed the ring, and looked at it happily for a
moment, before leaning over and hugging and kissing Flipper till he was red
with embarrassment.

"I know you can't really wear it," he said, indicating her flipper, "but I
thought it was important to do things right. I'm sorry it's not very good."

"Hush," replied Carolina, tears still running down her face. "It's perfect. I
love you."

"I love you, too," replied Flipper. "Please stay with me forever."

"I will," replied Carolina, hugging Flipper again, filled with joy.

Meanwhile, oblivious to anything but the probable potential success of his
trans-dimensional transverser, Dr. Revlis drove onward.

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