item: 28 subj: fine, ya had yer chance from: Flipper to : Now Pays Yer Money. on : Tue 23-Aug-1994 10:28p The doctor parked in front of his basement lab, and got out of the car, motioning Flipper to follow. Flipper and Carolina got out. Carolina continued fussing happily and crying slightly, and Flipper was still red with embarrassment, though noticeably very happy. He was also a bit curious, and wondered if maybe he should have put off giving her the ring until this experiment, whatever it was, was over. He glanced at her face, and his smile broadened. She'd taken him forever. No, it was right that he didn't put it off. As soon as he was done here, they could go back home and celebrate. He had stashed a bottle of expensive champagne away, where Carolina wouldn't see it, so they could celebrate if she said yes. Then they had plans to make. Plans for their normal future together. * * * Carolina was thrilled. She was so happy she couldn't contain herself. Flipper had actually proposed, and given her a ring! With things settling down to be normal, they could settle down and have a family. The thought of a baby Flipper made her feel very happy and motherly. 'He'd be so cute!' she thought. She gave Flipper another loving hug and kiss. "Hurry up with this, so we can go home!" she said. * * * "Please step onto this platform, Mr Dolphin," said Dr Revlis, indicating the metallic disc in the floor. He adjusted the ceiling disc's height so Flipper could stand between them, and absently brushed some ash off with his foot. Flipper stood on the disc, thinking about how much it looked like Star Trek had invaded Dr. Frankenstein's lab. "What exactly will this do?" he asked. The doctor threw some switches, and the rising hum of high-voltage capacitors filled the room. Flipper motioned Carolina back a bit, and she backed off, looking somewhat concerned. "Eh?" asked the doctor. "Oh, yes, yes... this will transverse your being across interdimensional space. This time all my caluclations work out, you SHOULD make it!" "SHOULD?" repeated Carolina. "What if he doesn't?" "Here goes nothing," commented the doctor, throwing the final switch. "Now wait a min..." began Flipper. Suddenly bright lightening arced between the discs, encircling Flipper's body. They increased in number and intensity, until a solid cage of electricity circled him. "TURN IT OFF!" screamed Carolina, lurching forward. "No, wait! It's working! It's ACTUALLY WORKING!" screamed the doctor. He blocked Carolina's attempt to reach the control box. "LOOK!" Carolina turned back to the discs, to see the lightening beginning to reduce. It ended quickly, leaving Flipper standing there, with a few soot marks on him. He raised a flipper, as if to speak, then fell forward off the disc. "FLIPPER!" screamed Carolina, running forward, and rolling him over. "Are you all right!?" Flipper half-opened an eye, then moaned and closed it again. "We're leaving!" stated Carolina to the doctor. She lifted Flipper up as best she could. "I'm taking him to the hospital!" She left the basement, carrying Flipper, somewhat awkwardly. The doctor barely noticed her go. It didn't work. He couldn't believe it. All his effort. All his experiments. He was so sure this time. It didn't work. The formulae were correct. It MUST have worked. It didn't work. 'I really AM crazy,' thought Dr Revlis to himself. 'Only a CRAZY man would believe in trans-dimentional transversion!' "FOOL!" he yelled at himself. "CRAZY FOOL!" He called the hospital, and asked them to come pick him up, as he was start raving mad, and probably a menance to society, to boot. He wouldn't be surprised, he told them, if he next picked up a fully-automatic rifle, and started shooting pink plastic lawn flamingos. The nurse promised somebody would be there quickly. Dr Revlis sat down in a corner in his basement, and dumped the mouse ashes over his body. Then he stuck his thumbs into his ears, and began to sing to himself, a song he'd heard a long time ago. "They're coming to take me away, ha-ha! They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha ha!" He repeated the two lines over and over. By the third time, he was right into the 'ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-ha' part, sounding for the most part the raving lunatic he believed he was. item: 29 subj: okee dokee pokee from: Flipper to : Sleep. Sleep Good. on : Tue 23-Aug-1994 10:51p It became readily apparent to Flipper that he was no longer in a basement laboratory. He was seated in a large throne. The throne was built so as to accodate his dorsal fin easily and comfortably. There were dolphins, like himself, standing on either side of the throne, holding large spears and wearing armour. They were looking straight ahead. There were other, richly dressed dolphins, walking about a large room in front of him. There were five beautiful, female dolphins, in seductive clothing, just a few feet off to the side of the throne, watching him and batting their eyes seductively. In front of him, face lowered, and trembling slightly, was a pretty young female dolphin in somewhat ragged clothing. Flipper found himself dressed in a very rich, ornate robe. He felt very regal, but felt pity for the trembling young female before him. Though confused, Flipper got the impression that he was in charge. He stood up. Instantly everyone in the room turned to face him, except the guards, who merely jumped slightly. Flipper gazed curiously at the other dolphins. None would meet his gaze. He turned back to the poorly dressed one. "Stand up," he said. She was instantly standing, still gazing slightly downward. "Look at me!" he said, confused. She slowly turned her face upwards, and looked him in the eye. Flipper saw fear and confusion. He wondered what to do next. * * * Carolina managed to start the pinto, and drove off quickly, hoping Flipper would be all right. What a terrible thing to do! She couldn't believe this happened on her engagement night! Flipper moaned slightly. "Attendant!" he grunted. Carolina quickly stopped and turned to him. "Flipper! Are you all right! I'm taking you to a doctor!" "No!" uttered Flipper. "I am fine. Return me to my home, or I'll have you executed." His voice seemed rather rough to Carolina, but she attributed that to the lightning. "I'll take you home," she said, giving him a quick kiss. "Where are my clothes?" asked Flipper, weakly, as they drove home. Then he passed out again. item: 30 subj: the eagle flies at dawn from: Captain C to : Crows Swim North on : Wed 24-Aug-1994 1:24a Smith sat down on a park bench. He had lost the man who grabbed his stuff and had no hope of finding him on his own. Luckly, He had called an old friend from the agency and had agreed to meet him in the park. so he sat and waited. Within minutes a man sat down beside him and said,"Greeninks Smith," Smith turned around and saw his friend sitting there on the bench with him. "Hello jones,"Smith said, "How are you?" "Nob bad," Jones replied in an oddly nasal voice. "Good god," Smith excaimed looking at Jones face, "What happened to your nose?" "Sub lunatic tuuk it on myb last missink," Jones replied, somewhat annoyed that Smith had been the twentieth person today to ask that question, "Do youb want the info or nob?" "Of course I want it," Smith exclaimed, eager to get back on the trail,"What do you have?" "The man that took your stubb was a member of the Giovabbii clan. they are based here in this ciby and have quibe an empire. Gebbing your stubb back won'b be easy." "Just hand me the files and I'll be on my way, Smith said. Smith was given the files and he and jones departed without saying a word other than a nose comment that drove jones to near maniac status. As smith looked throught the files, he concluded that he would need some gadgets that he still had to pull this caper off. Quickly he ran back to the shop and grabbed his suitcases. Ripping them open, he removed a secret panal and viewed his gadgets. He grabbed a wrist mounted stun gun fully charged, a bulletproof jacket, a backpack, a mini grappling hook that supported up to 200 pounds and night goggles. with these taken he set off to find the base of Ginovannii. First stop would be all of the bars that he new criminals hung out at. He only hoped that he would remember his martial arts traing if he needed it. There was nothing threatning about a 5'10" man weighing about 130. and if he couldn't reason, things might get ugly. He was packed and ready, , and as he left he hoped the gun of immense whatever would backfire on whoever used it. item: 31 subj: bringing it back together from: Flipper to : Soon. on : Mon 29-Aug-1994 9:04p The men in the white did indeed pick up Dr. Revlis, finding him laughing manically in a corner of his dirty basement, covered with ashes. They put the strait jacket on him (a task he willingly help with), and climbed into the padded back of the truck, where he was locked in, all the while still singing 'They're coming to take me away, ha ha!' Once the ride began, however, he suddenly realized it didn't make sense anymore. He tried a variation. "they're now taking me away, ha ha! They're now taking me away, ho ho!" He shook his head. It didn't work. 'Maybe,' he thought, 'a different tune is required.' He began to sing again. "Oh give me a farm, Where I'll do no harm, Where the men, In white suits are so close. Where seldom is heard, An intelligent word, And the basket- Weavers twiddle their toes." 'No, no. That's not it.' He tried another, attempting to strike a disco pose (made impossible by the straight jacket and the movement of the van). "Take me away! Take me away! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Take me away! TaKe me away! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Take me awaaaaaaaayyyy, Awaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy, Away!" 'No, no, no..' he moaned, falling down and bouncing awkwardly off the walls. He sighed, and sat down in a corner of the van. It seemed he wasn't much good at writing songs, either. Given the current state of music, he'd assumed insanity was a prerequisite to song writing. * * * Carolina was somewhat concerned. Flipper didn't seem to be doing very well after that accident. She sat at the kitchen table, pondering what was going on. She looked at the ring Flipper had given her, and turned it idly over, looking at it from every side. It meant so much to her. And now... Flipper would be ok. He was probably just stunned. His voice only seemed harsher because of the lightening. He should be waking up any time now, in fact. She smiled, feeling her love for him flow through her body. She stood up to go check on him. "WOMAN!" roared a rough version of Flipper's voice from the bedroom. Carolina stood, slightly frightened. That was not Flipper's voice. Close, but too rough, and too harsh. Even on the Nymph he hadn't sounded like that. He sounded... mean. She shook her head, and went into the bedroom to see for herself that everything was fine. * * * "What's wrong," asked Flipper. "Why do you look so scared?" The female quickly averted her gaze to the floor again. "My apologies, my lord. I humbly await your noble decision." Flipper blinked in confusion. "Decision on what?" he asked. "What did you ask me?" "I ask nothing of you, my lord. I want only to do what you want me to do." Flipper shook his head. He sat back down, and whispered to one of the guards. "What's going on here?" he asked. "The maiden is here for consideration for the harem, my lord," whispered the guard back, not moving anything save his mouth. "Harem?" whispered Flipper back. "Yes, my lord," replied the guard. Flipper tilted his head in confusion. 'I have a harem?' he thought to himself. 'I don't think that device had much to do with aero-hydro-dynamics.' "Uh," he said, gathering his thoughts. "I will make my decision LATER." He tried to sound commanding. "Guards, lead me to my room. I wish to think." "Yes, my lord," replied the guards in unison, turning to take up a position on either side of him. Another guard from the side of the room went up to the young female in the center, and began roughly escorting her out of the room. "Hey!" yelled Flipper. Everyone stopped to look at him. "Uh, lead her out more gently, will you?" The guard appeared confused. But he replied instantly, "Yes, my lord!" Flipper turned and followed his personal guards out of the room, trying to make sense of everything. item: 32 subj: J. travola he ain't. from: Flipper to : Not A Bad Thing, Tho on : Mon 29-Aug-1994 9:20p Dr. Revlis amired the white cleansiness of the sanitarium as he was being led down it's halls. Every so often they passed a doctor, nurse, or patient heading the other way. Every time, Dr. Revlis greeted them with, "How do you do. I'm Dr Revlis, and I'm quite mad. They've come to take me away, ha ha." "Did I mention I was insane, too?" he asked one of his escorts. The man grunted. Finally, they reached his room. "Hey bud," called one of the guards through the window. We got a playmate for you." There was no response from inside, and the guards opened the door and shoved the doctor in. They quickly closed and bolted the door behind him. "Dr. Revlis, meet your new friend, Mr. Mitchell. 'Fraid he don't talk much, though. Good luck." The window on the door slid shut, and the doctor took in his new surroundings. The room was white, and the walls lightly padded. There were two matresses, both stacked up on one side of the room to make one bed. There were water stains on the padded floor, mostly around the mattress. There was a man, in the center of the room, hastily scribbing on a piece of paper with crayons. Parts of his white clothing had apparently been colour black with crayon. The crayons were quite short, having been used a lot. Looking closer, the doctor noticed that of all the crayons near the man, only the red, white, blue and black crayons were worn down. Then he noticed the pictures on every wall. Childish crayon scrawlings, for the most part, all depicting a black and white figure performing evil and bloody acts to humanoid stick-figures. One showed the creature lopping off a head, another ripped the stick figure in two. There were ripped off limbs, one where the creature had huge pointed teeth, and was biting many people. The doctor began to get concerned. "DONE!" cheered the man. He jumped to his feet, causing the doctor to back off some. The man licked the back of the paper, then stuck it to a clear part of the wall. He ran back to the middle of the room, and started another one. The doctor carefully approached this new work of art, and looked at it. It showed the black and white creature jumping on the head of a prone stick figure, squashing the head. Much blood, and what appeared to be eyeballs flew from the head. "uhhh..." said the doctor. The man looked up. "HEY!" he yelled. "Who are you, and why are you here?" The doctor ran towards the door. Unable to free his arms from the straight jacket, he hurled his body repeatedly at the door. "Help!" he yelled. "This guy's crazy! Let me out of here!" Wayne Mitchell's eyes narrowed. "You're one of THEM, aren't you?" The doctor turned around, cautiously. "WHALE KILLER!" roared Wayne, leaping at the doctor. item: 33 subj: lalalala from: Captain C on : Fri 2-Sep-1994 11:14p The info on the mafia had paid off for Smith as it had given him some knowledge of where he should go and how he should actm if he intende to go undercover to retrieve his most prized possesion, his gun of immense things. He walked into a stingy bar wearing a dirty turtleneck sweater and chordroid pants, A small bowler and he sported an eyepatch. He sat in a tiny booth at the Davy Jones locker pub hat was located on the Warf. According to his information There was a man here by the name of Tiny, That could give him some advice to how he could get his Gun back. As he waited, he decided to review Tiny's file to see what he was dealing with. The record sheet was very long, and was mostly of neglecting authority, and Assalt and battery. Smith decided that he should deal with this with delicacy as to not causetoo much trouble. "Are you Smith?" A gruff voice asked, snapping Smith out of his concentration. Smith turned around and looked at a small man eye to eye. This man was the same height as smith was sitting down. "Your Tiny, I presume," "Right," Tiny said, as he sat down in the booth, "Have you waited long?" "No," Smith replied, "I've only been here a short while." Tiny felt a tinge of anger as the word short was mentioned. but he kept his cool. "after all," he reasoned, "We never met before and he doesn't know about how much I hate it when people do that kind of stuff. "So what did you want to know?" Tiny asked in the same gruff voice. "I only need to know a little bit of information on how to get my gun back." Smith answered wondering if Tiny's face was always this red. " The firt thing you need to know is where they are keeping the gun and What they plan to do with it. I have the address, here." Tiny said slipping a piece of paper to Smith. Smith tried to read it and was unable, due to the small writing and when he mentioned it, Tiny seemed to change to a darker shade of red. "So when are you thinking of doing it?" Tiny asked, keeping his cool. "Soon," replied Smith, "There is so much they could have done in so little time." "What else do you need?" Asked Tiny whose voice was becoming more hostile. "Well can you pay for my Drink?" Smith asked, "I'm a bit short." That's it! I've had it!" Tiny exploded,"I can't stand those little jokes you were making! You think i don't know how short i am? You thibnk I don't have feelings? Well I have news for you mister, That's the last time somebody does that to me!" Smith, who had no idea what he had done was caught totally offgaurd as tiny grabbed him and threw out of the bar. The pain set in quickly as He picked himself off the ground,and walk off to the workshop to rest. Tomorrow he would continue. item: 34 subj: hey! someone else gonna write? from: Captain C on : Sun 11-Sep-1994 3:01a Smith Made it back to the workshop and the site he saw made his jaw dropped. The entire workshop was now just the smoldering remains of what once stood there. All of Smith's gadgets that he had left were gone. All of his clothes were gone. All of his money was gone. Smith felt a little tinge in his head as he began to lose all rational thought. He picked his jaw up and started waving his hands in the air and started to scream obcenities at the night sky. Of course doing this kind of behavoir usally attracts the certain attention of a man, who would be best described as a police officer. The Police Officer walked up and stood behind Smith as he began to rant and scream. "Those bastards!" Smith bellowed, "those bloddy bastards!" The officer looked at smith then at the remains of the workshop, "Which bastards are you talking about?" he asked without Identifying himself. "The ones who burned down the place where I sleep, and work," Smith ranted on, not acknowledging who was behind him. "You slept at the place of buisness?" The officer asked hoping he would have an excuse to keep his quota of tickets up. "Yes, and they burned it to the ground! Now I have no money, No job, No clothes, I'll kill them! the officer began to smile. He could forget about the ticket because this wasn't just an offender, He was now by the law a vagrant, uttering death threats. "So you'll just kill whoever, and not even give them a chance? just a wham bam your dead man?" The officer asked hoping for the right answer. Smith's brain was trying to tell him to calm down but, the rage about what Giovanni's men had done to his shop was too much. "They tink this can make me back down and stop searching do they?" Smith bellowed, "Well I'll show them! I'll make them wish they never tried to mess with me!Why I oughtta..." Smith was at a lost for words. "Murder them?" The officer asked. "Yah yah, I'll murder them!" Smith agreed, not knowing who he was talking to, "and then I'll... uh.. I'll..." "Chop them up?" chmed the officer. "Yah, I'll chop them up,"Smith said, then after a brief pause he added, "I'll chop them into itty bitty pieces! Oh yes this is a pycho we have here, the officer thought. Taking downtown would be the thing to do. Smith turned around to see who he was talking to, His face turned white as he reconized the police uniform and a pair of handcuffs were applied to his wrists. Before he was pushed in the car though, he broke free of the officer's grasp and started to run down the street. The officer called for bacvkup and shot after him but the headstart was too much. Smith hid in the shadows until daybreak and started to walk down allyways as to not be spotted. Now he had no place to go to and he was tired. He needed money from somewhere, and the best way to do that he felt was to go undercover and try to get in with Giovanni's men. He went to the Locale thrift store and stole a cheaped dark grey pinstriped suit and fedora. He got dressed and discovered that this was a task most difficult to do when handcuffed. Luckily the thrift store had handcuff keys sso he stole them as well. When he was dressed he looked like a bad representation of one of Giovanni's men except skinnyer. Smith grabbed all that he had with him and shoved them into various pockets and headed for the seedyest part of town. When Smith arrived to the bad part of town he seemed tofit in quite well and noone noticed him. He was feeling real confident until he hit something that felt like a brick wall, Which he bounced off and fell to the ground. He looked up to see a very large man in a tacky brown trenchcoat, accompanied with a women who not as tall looked very muscular. Arter a closer look Smith saw Something that looked like a sword behind the man's back. Not wanting to cause trouble Smith picked himself off the ground and started apologizing to the big man, who had just glared at him semmingly lost in his own thoughts. item: 35 subj: when the raindrops fall down from: Flipper to : Damned Fire Alarms on : Fri 16-Sep-1994 11:21p Dr. Revlis felt a little safer once the guards came and removed Wayne from his throat. They removed his straightjacket and put it on Wayne, and suggested the two of them try to get along. The doctor had tried. He offered to draw for Wayne, since Wayne was protesting angrily that he couldn't draw with his arms tied. But the doctor couldn't seem to draw the black and white character, which he learned was a killer whale, to Wayne's liking, and Wayne eventually chased him around the room, kicking wildly, for several minutes before collapsing in a corner and glaring darkly at him. Dr. Revlis decided that he wasn't crazy enough to live the rest of his life with this lunatic, and made plans to escape. * * * Carolina entered the bedroom, moving quietly to the bed where Flipper lay. "You called?" she asked. "How are you feeling?" With lightning speed Flipper reached up and grabbed her, pulling her face close to his. Carolina looked into his eyes and realized that she was not looking at Flipper. "Where am I, wench?" he growled. "How dare you kidnap and try to seduce me, Lord Fliporous of the Eighth Realm? I shall have your tail on a platter for this." Carolina's eyes were wide with fright, as she struggled to free herself from the stranger in her bed. "Where am I?" repeated Fliporous, his eyes nearly glowing with anger. * * * The real Flipper, meanwhile, gazed around the luxurious surroundings that made up his room. The walls were lied with tapestries, beautifully woven with pictures of dolphins in armour doing battle, or just posing. They appeared to be nobles. He admired the huge bed in the middle of the room, easily a double-king-size, complete with posts and a canopy. Touching it, he found it very soft. He went over to the window and gazed outward, then noticed a balcony beside it. He strode out onto the balcony and looked down. Workers in the huge courtyard immediately dropped their tools and stood at attention, facing him. Disconcerted, he waved them on to their work, and they continued, at a somewhat slower, more cautious pace. Out to the horizon he could see homes and fields. Large ponds dotted every field, and he wondered just what was being grown. This got him thinking about his situation. Unusual though it was, it didn't seem to throw him off stride much. At least it seemed to be a good thing this time. He guessed he was a ruler of this huge land. He suspected that he wasn't a very nice ruler, either. He decided to play along until he knew exactly what had happened. item: 36 subj: here we go from: Captain C on : Fri 23-Sep-1994 10:57p Smith sat at the end of the bar waiting for a chance to notice any of Giovanni's men, perchance that they would show up. After a night of waiting and alot of drinks though, it was obvious that he had wasted this night. He grabbed his coat and stumbled out the door. Smith was about to head home, when he had relized that he had no home to go to. He looked back at the bar and could hear a tiny voice in his head urging him to back into the bar. He agreed withthe voice and went back in and sat down, to order another drink. ******************************** "Hey buddy, The bar is closing." The bartender shouted, "I would appreciate it if you would take your drunken body elsewhere." "OK OK, maybe i should," Smalljaw slurred. He got up from a tiny stool that he had passed out on and stumbled his way to the exit of the bar. The air outside reacted very badly with Smalljaw's stomache and he felt the urge to throw up. Smalljaw fought off the urge,and made it to a phone booth where he began to pass out again. Suddenly there was a tapping n the booth that caught smalljaw's attention. he turned to look and saw a little man with no teeth screaming about how Smalljaw should get out of his home. Smalljaw laughed and passed out. When he awoke he found that he was dragged out of the phone booth and layed out on the street. he turned around and saw the old man in the booth. "I was sleeping there." Smalljaw said trying to ignore the poundng in his head. "Go away, I was here first," The man snapped back. "If you want me gone you'll have to throw me out." Smalljaw tried to think about this for a moment. He was in a foreign land, and his father had always told him to be diplomatic about these kind of things. So here he was. two people, one phonebooth. this was just a problem of no co-operation. When he and his brother would not co-operate their father would destroy whatever they were fighting over. He learned that if it can't be shared the you may as well destroy it. He picked up the phonebooth and carried it over to the wharf. The man inside was screaming to be let out but his screams were in vain as Smalljaw threw the phone booth into the water. "Help!" the old man screamed," I can't open the doors! I can't swim! I have a twisted ankle! Ihave a cramp! I have a blub blub blub blub...." Smalljaw began to wander again and finally came back to the place where his problems had begun. he was outside of the oceanarium. He cursed being sent here and he remembered about the cheap shots flipper had made to defeat him. "why not bust in there and teach him a lesson," his brain said. "Because that would be wrong." Smalljaw told his brain. "Every time we do thngs you way they go wrong," his brain argued, "This time let's do things my way." "You know what happened last time we used you." "No-one can prove that! besides, how was I to know that peanuts did that." "Well what did you have in mind?" "We go in there, find the dolphin, and pound him." "That's a dumb plan brain" "You ghot any Ideas?" "We could just forget it and find a way back home." "You and I both know that can't be done. We may as well stop acting civil and go back to what we enjoy." "Well how do we go about getting in?" "Just punch the door down stupid!" Smalljaw finished his conversation and punched the door down. The door made a loud crash and Smalljaw walked in. "Flipper! Oh Flipper!" He called out. ****************** Smith walked on untill he made it to a church. He walked in and layed down on a pew. shortly after he fell asleep. The sun rose up and the light shone down on smith. He blinked a few times and tried to remember what he had done the night before. he rubbed his faced and noticed that something was different. He couldn't tell what so he rubbed his face again. It felt like his finger had aquired a metal bump, so he looked at his hand. On his finger was a silver ring styled with black markings. "Gee, Iwonder where I picked this ugly thing up?" Smith thought. "Ditto," The ring said. item: 37 subj: He gets me wet. from: Flipper on : Sat 24-Sep-1994 3:09a There was a knock at the door to Flipper's royal room. Deciding to play his part, he put on his best gruff voice. "Who is it?" The door opened, and the pretty female dolphin who'd been before him in the main room slipped quietly in, and closed the door behind her. "What?" asked Flipper. "Hey, you're not supposed to be in here! Are you?" "My lord," replied the female, "I want only my chance to please you." She dropped her clothing, and sexily advanced towards Flipper. Being used to not wearing clothing himself, Flipper was not much affected by the fact that she was nude, but he was somewhat surprised by her actions none-the-less. "Umm," he said, "Just a moment here. I'm pretty happy with my fiancee already." "I bet I know some things that she doesn't... things you'll... like." "Umm," replied Flipper, running out of room to back up in. "Just a few moments..." she said. * * * Dr Revlis found formulating his plan for escape rather simple. The sanitarium was designed to keep morons locked up, as far as he could see. Wayne continued to stare sullenly at him as he stood by the door, waiting for the day's meal. Soon it arrived. The doctor examined the meal very quickly. Soup, water, and a biscuit. Perfect. "hey, I'm drying up!" called Wayne, as the door closed. The doctor threw the glass of water at him, in too much a hurry to deal with the man's silly requests to have water dumped over him. "HEY!" shouted the doctor at the departing attendant. The attendant, a hulking gorilla of a man, turned with a query-like grunt. "There's a fly in my soup!" pronounced the doctor, pointing directly into the bowl. Gorilla-man bent over the soup, peering intently into it. The doctor saw his chance, and slammed the biscuit into the man's head. the biscuit, of course, knocked the poor man out, splashing cold soup everywhere. Dr. Revlis quickly removed the attendant's shirt and put it on, bunching it up as neatly as he could. Then he confidently strode down the hall and out of the hospital. Wayne gazed at the soup for some time. He didn't like flies. What he really wanted was salmon. His gaze wandered until he noticed the open door. Yes, he decided. He needed salmon. It had been a long time, he was getting weak from lack of proper food. He waked past gorilla-man, still sleeping in the soup, and left the hospital in search of salmon. * * * It took several tries, but Fliporous finally seemed to understand where he was. Carolina had answered all his questions to the best of her ability, and she seemed to frightened to be lying. A world run by humans. Should be pathetically easy to dominate this world... the humans were little more than low-quality slaves, most barely fit for amusement parks. That they actually dominated a world surprised him. But not for long. Fliporous had every intent of expanding his empire. But first, he needed satisfaction. This wench was beautiful indeed, and rare. He had never seen one so white. He would take her, then begin planning his conquest. She continued staring wide-eyed at him, and he almost felt a little pity for her. His grip slacked off her fin slightly. She immediately wrenched free and fled the room. He was up quickly, but he did not know his way around. He would not find her. She would have to come back, sometime. He would be ready for her then. She would know the pain of displeasing Fliporous. He looked around himself. First, some clothes. Then, to plan. * * * Carolina ran. She ran like she had never run before. She didn't know what had happened, but she knew that was not Flipper in her bedroom. He looked like Flipper, but he wasn't. She needed help. She made her way downtown, and panting, looked around herself. She noticed a building listing a detective agency, and went inside. She barely noticed the sign: Richard Steiner, Dischordian Detective Agency. The man had his back to her as she walked in, he seemed to be absorbed in looking out the window, and mumbling to himself. His hat pulled low over his eyes, he looked every bit the stereotypical detective. All her emotions suddenly released. "You've got to help me," she sobbed, a high, wailing noise. "My fiance, Flipper... something happened to him, and there's someone evil in his place! You've got to find Flipper, and get rid of the evil one!" She turned and saw Sequoia sitting at a smaller desk near the wall, polishing her sword. "Sequoia?" asked Carolina, recognition slowly dawning. She turned to the man. "Then you must be..." "Steiner," drawled Steiner, turning around. "Richard Steiner." He paused. "At yer service," he added. item: 37 subj: He gets me wet. (response 1) from: Feral Ferret to : Flipper on : Sat 24-Sep-1994 4:32a "What are you, some kinda dick?" belligerantly demanded the bartender, listening in on the conversation. Steiner's face turned a very light shade of crimson, and he reached over the bar with a ham-like fist, grabbed the bartender by the collar, and dragged him over the bar. "I ain't no Dick," he growled, "th'name's Richard." "Uhh, sure Richard, whatever you say," stammered the bartender, totally uncertain of himself. "Don't call me Richard," growled Steiner. [I hated being called by my first name... so I gave him one right reason not to... straight in the face.] They left the bartender sprawled against the far wall, Steiner surlily booting open the door and blinking uncertainly in the sunlight, like some kind of strange creature that normally lived in the dark being illuminated with a spotlight. He hustled Carolina and Sequoia into the car, only to hear a loud thumping from the trunk. Nearing the trunk, he was regaled with the sounds of four men yelling at each other, with rather crude but incisive phrases. Throwing the trunk open, he saw the four slain mafioso, apparently hale and hearty, tangled up in a large heap and yelling vociferously. They stopped as one as the light hit them, and they too paused to blink uncertainly. "It's about time you got here and opened this," one of them said, wrestling himself free of the heap and climbing out of the trunk, "it was getting hard to breathe with Guido's armpit in my face." "Hey, I resent that!" yelled another guy, prying himself out of the heap. He was fairly large. The first man, upon seeing this, made a break and ran down a street, with the other three men pulling themselves out of the car and giving a hearty pursuit. Steiner stood and watched the spectacle for awhile, stroking his chin in thought. [Something strange about that. Yup.] With a mental shrug, he climbed back into the car and drove off to his office. * * * "So, this was the sign you said you saw?" asked Steiner of Carolina. "Yes... yes..." mulled Carolina. "Are you POSITIVE this is the sign you saw?" repeated Steiner. "Well, yes..." "Where did the 'h' come from, then?" he demanded. "Look!" The sign read: Richard Steiner, Discordian Detective Agency "Oh," she replied. "Discord. DISCORD! That's what it is! You know what this means, don't you?" Sequoia and Carolina looked at him blankly, as his eyes began to narrow and take on a hard edged glint. Clouds began forming overhead, very dramatically. "It means there's an imposter somewhere." Steiner spat on the ground in disgust. "God, I need a drink," he muttered, and with that, stormed into his office. item: 38 subj: woo woo woo! i like it! from: Captain C to : Mr Painty Face on : Sat 24-Sep-1994 5:37p Smith stared at the ring in a wee bit of disbelief." excuse me?" he asked. "Do you think that I would want to be worn by a freak like you," the ring said with a certain bit of disgust. "you are a drunk, you snmell like crap and why don't you go out and find a nice girl to settle down with?" "just my luck, to get a jewish mother's ring." Smith thought. He tried to shake the ring off, but the ring bit hard into his finger. "Yoofcangeb rib ov nefat esy" the ring muffled with a mouthful of skin. Smith realized that he could not shake the ring off and stopped shaking his finger seeing as how it had hurt alot. "just as I thought," The ring said releasing the folds of skin thaty were in his mouth,"a quitter." "Why don't you just shut up!" Smith shouted. "you first." the ring replied. ******************** The hallways were unusally dark as Smalljaw walked down to the main bedroom. He reached the door to flipper's room and kicked the door down. Inside he saw who he believed to flipper wake up from his sleep. "What is the meaning of this?" The dolphin roared. "I have come to avenge myself!" Smalljaw shouted, "Now preparefor battle!" A Small smile came over Flippourus. Here he was the ruler of an entire dimensions, and a human, a lowly human had challenged him to a fight. He sprang off the bed and Kicked Smalljaw so hard that the Barbarian went flying into the wall and richochetted off the wall like a deformed rubberball. Smalljaw was taken by surprie by this attack, but his druken mind told him it was a lucky attack. He got up and charged at the dolphin who had laughed at his feeble attempts and swatted him away. Flippourus then jumped on top of Smalljaw and began pummiling him while commenting on how stupid humans were and it would benifit society if they were not in control. After about fifteen minutes of pound, He stopped the beating and threw Smalljaw into an empty aquarium. He had his first slave and oooo would he have fun. item: 39 subj: blah blah from: Flipper on : Sat 24-Sep-1994 5:55p Carolina blinked at Steiner in confusion. "I was in a hurry, I was confused, and scared. Maybe I just misread the sign. I think you're jumping to conclusions." Steiner merely glared at her. "Well, aren't you going to help me, or something? I'll find someone else if I must." She glared back with a defiance that only females have mastered. * * * Wayne eventually managed to lose his straitjacket, and he had stolen a fresh salmon from a grocery store and eaten it, still frozen for the most part. He looked up, suddenly, and saw the iron fence surrounding the Oceanarium. Memories flooded back to him, and he found a worn down spot in the fence, and entered the grounds. * * * "Please, just leave!" pleaded Flipper. He wasn't liking the way things were going overmuch. Actually, what really bothered him was that he WAS liking it, and he really didn't want to. "But, you haven't even seen what I can do yet..." "I don't care... just leave! Please, go now." She turned to go, looking somewhat saddened. She collected her clothes and got into them, then began to leave the room. Flipper felt a little bad about speaking harshly to her. "Um," he said, "You're accepted. Go join the others." The female paused. Then, with a smile and laugh of delight she blew a kiss to Flipper and left the room. Moments later, a very old looking dolphin entered, dressed in a flowing robe and a wizard's cap. He looked sideways at Flipper, as if measuring him up. Flipper got very nervous. "What is it you want, old man?" he said, trying to speak more gruffly than nervously. "Oh... nothing, my lord," replied the wizard. "Something struck me as... odd, for just a moment. I shall carry on with my duties now. I came to give you the moonrocks you requested." He handed Flipper some shiny stones, then turned to leave. Flipper examined them, but saw nothing special, save that they were very smooth. He shrugged. "Thanks," he called. The wizard stopped again, but didn't turn back. "You are welcome, my lord," he replied as he left the room. Flipper shook his head. He wasn't sure if he'd played his part right or not, and he didn't know what the moonrocks were for. But he was tired, and wanted to sleep. He put the rocks down on his table, then laid down in the large bed. Within minutes, he was asleep. item: 40 subj: rrah rrah rrah rrah from: Captain C on : Tue 18-Oct-1994 1:39a Smith sat down on the corner of a lonely and desolate street feeling quite lonely and desolate himself. He had failed in his attempts to retrieve his gun of immenense and now his place had burned down and to top it all off he had a ring that would insult him whenevr he talked. He decided that now would be the time that he would stop trying to change the world with some wonderful and heroic event and just go off and do his own thing. CLANG CLANG CLANG!! Smith was shaken out of his concentration and looked around to see where the noise was coming from. The noise continued but he could not tell the whereabouts of the clanging. The noise stopped and Smith sat up and srtarted to walk.For some unknown reason, the clanging followed him. Whenever he stopped walking, the clanging followed. "Is this your doing?" He asked the ring. "Yes," the ring replied sarcastically, "I a miniscule piece of metal have used the powers of the unknown and have brought upon this world the evil clanging noise. the world is doomed and it's your fault.why? because you are a moron." Smith choses to ignore the ring and continued walking.CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG. *************** ************** ***************** *************** ********** Smalljaw opened his eyes and looked around. As afr as he could tell his brain again failed at logic and again put him in pain. he cursed his drinking from the night before and began to remember about what had happened. He did remember attacking the dolphin, but something was different. the dolphin was more bloodtyhirsty, and was,(dramatic pause) more finesed. This was not the same dolphin that he fought at the hospital,This was the threat hisvision had warned him about. He then noticed that he was in an aquarium, too high to climb out and no apparent exits. "Now how do I get out of here?" He muttered to himself. Just then a shadow fell upon Smalljaw. He looked up and saw a man at the top of the aquarium,with a crazed look in his eyes and fish entrails hanging out of the corner of his mouth. "Hello?" Smalljaw called up. The man glared. "Hello," Smalljaw called again hoping that this man could understand him. The man opened his mouth and screamed, "Whale killer!" then leaping down from the top onto Smalljaw. This took Smalljaw way off guard, so he took the best course of action, He threw the man off and backed off,"What do you mean whale killer? I haven't killed a whale, I never even seen one." "I'll get each and every one of you or my name isn't wayne," The man muttered half to himself as he advanced on Smalljaw. "I take You are called Wayne?" Smalljaw asked as he dodged a punched from the man. "No, I am called crazy,My name is Wayne" Wayne said throwing another punch that hit smalljaw on his chin. SmallJaw grabbed Wayne and tossed him to the side. Wayne jumped up and then tackeled Smalljaw. The fight had raged on for a short period of time though when the noise had waken up Flipporaus, He walked into the den where an observation window had been put in and saw to his enjoyment that now he had two humans in his aquarium. He gave a soft chuckle and left to go find the woman so he could be served breakfast. After wandering the building for some time he knew that Carolina was not in the area and proceeded to find food by himself. "She will pay for the humiliation of this" Flipporause thought to himself, as he was in the kitchen eating what he could find that was open. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Sequoia, Stiener and Carolina went back to the bar and found a table in the far end of the bar that had a tablecloth on it. "What's that smell?" Carolina asked as she sat down. (The dolphin was right about one thing,The air was a little ripe with an odor but I just couldn't place it.) Stiener looked at the bottom of his shoe in the hopes of finding the source. Sequoia looked under the table, then jerked her head. she motioned for steiner's attention. (The dame started to wave her hands about trying to get my attention, I obligedas I was curious to what was on her mind.) "I have to tell you something," she said,somewhat serious,"Satan is under the table." (I had to check under he table just to see for myself. Sure enough there was satan, with his red face, horns and big teeth. Satan looked up at me and waved. I put the table cloth back down.) "Hey barkeep," Steiner shouted, "Did you know you have Satan under your table?" "What again?" the bartender asked somewhat annoyed,"Satan, I told you not to bother the customers! Now get out from under there!" Satan cralwed out from under the table making a noise that sort of went rrah rrah rrah rrah, mucg to the disbelief of Sequoia and Carolina. Stiener didn't even blink. "I told you to stay in the back and not to bother anyone," The bartender said sternly to Satan, "Now get back there, You have dishes to do." "Rrah rrah rrah rrah," Satan said (That Satan was a nice guy, so I gave him a fiver,) "maybe we should go back to the office," Carolina said "First I need a drink," Stiener retorted. Carolina waited for a few seconds then asked, "So will you take the case?" Stiener drank ****************** ************************************** *******(*) item: 41 subj: sappy, schmappy. right, wrong, this from: Flipper to : Is It. on : Sat 12-Nov-1994 6:18a Flipper sighed happily to himself. He was having a wonderful dream that he and Carolina had finally been married, and were on their honeymoon enjoying each other's company, fully and completely. As they laid together in the bed, preparing to sleep for the rest of the night, he rolled over, and kissed her passionately. "I love you, Carolina. I always will." Carolina sighed happily to him, but something struck Flipper as odd. He looked again, and noticed that Carolina was not white. In fact, she seemed to be rather greyish, just a slightly lighter shade than himself. Then Flipper realized he was awake. "You're not Carolina!" he said, for lack of anything better to say. The other dolphin smiled. "My name is Athena, Lord Flipporous, but you may call me 'Carolina' if you so desire." Flipper reached over by his bed and turned on his light. He looked back and recognized the female he'd been acosted by earlier. "What's wrong? Did I not please you, my lord?" asked Athena. Flipper looked at her. She seemed so concerned... it seemed so important to her that he be happy with her. It seemed to be all she wanted. How could he tell her the truth, that he wanted someone else? But yet, she was so warm, and pretty, and she HAD pleased him, in fact. (Though he thought it was someone else...) Flipper smiled at her, and lightly traced his flipper down the side of her head, and down the side of her beak. "Of course you did. But, you should leave me now.. I will call for you in the morning." Athena smiled at him, her eyes twinkling with happiness and life. "Thank you, my lord!" She gave Flipper a quick kiss on the cheek, then climbed out of the massive bed. She quickly dressed herself and prepared to leave. She curtsied at the door. "Good night, my lord," she said. Then she was gone. Flipper sighed heavily, and tried to understand what he had just done. * * * Wayne looked up from where he was trying to hold SmallJaw down long enough to free his whaling hook, and caught a glimpse of Flipporous, watching and laughing through an observation window. "MR FLIPPER!" he cried with joy. Suddenly oblivious to Smalljaw, he ran to the edge of the pool and leapt, simultaneously swinging his hook upwards. Catching the rim of the pool, he swiftly swung himself over the top and vanished from SmallJaw's sight. Smalljaw lay on the concrete base of the pool, his pride hurt more than the bruises he'd gained. It seems this wasn't going to be his day, and he might as well just lie there to see what was going to hit next. * * * Carolina still stared, somewhat shocked. She shook her head to clear it. "Forget Satan," she told herself. "We have bigger problems here." "Steiner," she said, "Look. I need your help here, because that is NOT Flipper we've got back there. Now, I know you and Flipper go back some ways, so whereever Flipper REALLY is, that guy must know. I'm just hoping you can get the information out of him... and maybe get Flipper back." She looked coyly down at the table and blushed slightly. "We're supposed to get married." * * * Fliporous was mildly surprised when Wayne leapt off the top of the tank and landed in front of him, but he didn't move. A human was not going to be any match for the great Fliporous, after all. Wayne just stood there, looking confused. "Mr Flipper?" he asked, weakly. "Human," boomed Fliporous, "tell me why it is that you have the gall to stand there in front of me wearing the colours of our enemies, the Orcinus'?" "But... I... they.. they can't hurt you, sir! They're perfectly gentle!" Fliporous laughed. "You amuse me, you really do. They send hunting parties into our land and eat our kind, like the cannibals they are! They resist joining my empire and continue to hold out on the fringes as deadly outlaws, and you call them gentle? But this doesn't explain you. Have they started recruiting weakling humans to send as spies? Are you trying to take over this world before me?" Fliporous stepped forward with lightning speed and grasped Wayne around the neck. "Speak quickly, slave, before I remove your head." Wayne gasped for breath under Fliporous' powerful grip. In desperation, he began to raise the whaling hook over his head. Fliporous didn't move or change his grip. Wayne hesitated, then let the hook drop. Fliporous, disgusted, tossed him against the side of the tank. Wayne collapsed in a heap, gasping for breath. "Pathetic creature. You don't even know enough to take the advantage when you have it. I shan't waste my time on you." So saying, Fliporous turned and left Wayne on the ground. Wayne watched him go out of a corner of his eye. He couldn't bring himself to hurt his old boss, the one who'd let his fulfill his lifelong dream. What could have changed Flipper into such a dreadful being? His eyes narrowed as his mind found the answer. The whale killers. item: 42 subj: In your double-knit butt. from: Feral Ferret to : The Wallet-sized Bulge on : Tue 15-Nov-1994 5:01p One of Kramodac's table-mates began chortling with an eerie sort of glee. "Cap-shured by de polishe... for shpeedin'! Dash almosh ash good ash..." The ape-being's mockery was cut short by the flat of a sword intersecting the back of his head with a very damp *thud*. A smaller thud accompanied the landing of his forehead with the tabletop. * * * They stood in a rather grim, dank-smelling cell. They didn't sit, because that entailed putting something other than one's shoes in puddles of various fluids, most of a bodily nature, all of a rather indeterminate origin. "This place is pretty backwards, isn't it?" asked Janne of Kramodac. Kramodac blinked, obviously startled. "Look, boss," she uttered, with a snort, "normally, I'd let you work out some plan to spring us out of here, but you've been standing there for the last two days, grinding your fingernails against the bars, and frankly, I'm getting rather bored." "Oh, so what the hell do you want me to do, bribe my way out? Maybe they'll accept my socks in exchange for our liberty?" "Two days! Two days! Do you know what I could have done in two days?" "NO! And what's more, I don't care! AUGH!" Kramodac finally lost his cool, yelling at the tops of his lungs to vent his frustration, which didn't really help matters at all, with the echo of a shout in a very confined area. The frustration being more than he could tolerate, he simply reached out and blew the lock of the jail cell with an excessively large bolt of electricity. "I'VE HAD IT! I'M OUTTA HERE!" Kramodac-Pinrut screamed, ripping down walls in his wake. Janne smiled inwardly to herself at a job well done, and the only successful escape from Meta-Alcatraz 12 was underway. * * * "So, you got marital problem, y'said? Now, y'see, I don't do that kinda case... I ain't some kinda schlep lookin' t'hoof a coupla dimes outta some dame with cheatin' hubby problems. I got standards on what I take, y'see..." Sequoia shot Steiner a piercing glare, leaving Steiner blinking in mild shock. "... but I do the occasional exception when I feel th'urge. Now, we still got a small problem of fees..." Sequoia's look, which had softened briefly, intensified to a near-lethal point. "... that can be discussed later, prolly," he concluded lamely, adjusting his fedora well forward, obscuring his eyes in shadow. "You c'n stay at my office. I'll see what I c'n find." * * * [I figured visiting the guy himself, this "Flipper"... the Man, would probably clear matters up a great deal, but a man's work is never done.] Steiner's driving was rudely interrupted at a red light by a pin-striped suit-wearing man, waving a large tommy-gun at him. He engaged the parking brake and climbed out of the car, at the gun-wielder's suggestion. "My car! That's my car! How could you steal a man's car?" ranted the gun-wielder, swinging the gun about in most dangerous arcs. Rather to Steiner's amusement, Sequoia was nowhere to be seen. The gun-wielder frowned briefly, spun about, turning his back to Steiner, and yelled, "Ah-ha!" He had trained his gun squarely on Sequoia's chest, who had popped up just behind a mailbox, only a few meters away. Her mouth was formed into a tight 'O' of shock and surprise. Steiner rolled his eyes, pulled his Magnum from his trenchcoat, and shot the man squarely in the back of the head. "Get in," he grumbled at Sequoia, jerking a thumb at the car. --- Maximus 2.01wb * Origin: Oceanarium--Wrath of the Killer Echomail Campaign from Mars (1:163/438) item: 43 subj: I'm a scary vampire! Bleah bleah! from: Feral Ferret to : Bleah! on : Fri 18-Nov-1994 10:50p Steiner suddenly stopped, mid-thought, and turned to Sequoia. "Have you ever felt, right in the middle of something, that the something you're doing feels really silly?" She looked at him blankly, with a half-smile of adoration on her face. "No..." she said, in a rather falsetto voice. "No? Never, just stop, ponder, and realize that you've been feeling foolish for the longest while?" She lowered her head slightly, and locked her eyes onto his, then shook her head negatively. "I suppose that's a good thing for you," he dead-panned, "'cause I rather do right now." With that, he removed his fedora and dropped it on the cooling corpse lying at his feet. With a brief chuckle, he totally unbuttoned his trenchcoat, removed it and dropped it as well. One by one, all his detective fetishes were shed, and dropped in a heap on the ground. He then turned back to his car, which had conveniently become a rather sporty, late-model sedan, climbed in, and drove off, rather erratically. * * * At the U.N. meeting, things had been progressing apace, and General Case, totally oblivious to the kitten in his breast pocket, clipped a microphone to his tunic and listened on. Eventually, he motioned for attention, and it became his turn to speak. "Ladies and gentlemen of the assembled nations," he began, "I come to you to tell you of a great proposal..." And so, while the leaders of 106 nations listened on, General Case spoke of a great, glorious plan that would eliminate starvation, warfare, unemployment, inflation and insanity, and promote the arts, sciences, and the general well-being of the populace as a whole. "General Case," said the prime minister of a small, under-developed Central American country, "your plan is quite admirable indeed, but how do we know that this will work?" Unbeknownst to the erstwhile General, who'd been so engrossed in his speech that he'd failed to remember the kitten in his pocket (the fact that his tunic was heavily starched didn't aid matters), Fluffy chose that moment to make its presence known. Perhaps it was a dream the kitten was having. Perhaps it was diabolical intent by divine forces, or perhaps it was just bad luck... but just as the General opened his mouth to speak, Fluffy interjected with one of the loudest, juiciest raspberries the feline had ever unleashed in its life. "SSSSPLLLLTZ!" raspberried Fluffy, and perhaps it was intervention by cruel, diabolical god-like beings, for the microphone had been clipped within millimeters of the cat's mouth. The prime minster, naturally, was quite aghast, as was a good portion of the assembly, who looked at General Case in shock. The General simple gaped, dumbfounded. "General Case, wha..." started the prime minister, and was interrupted by another raspberry, juicier and louder than the previous, which was already earth-shattering. Eyes narrowed in anger. Frowns creased brows. Fists involuntarily clenched. This was rude behaviour, and would not be tolerated. "But I... but I..." stammered the General, who was interrupted by yet another raspberry. The assembly was totally silent, as almost every member rose to their feet and glared at Case. The coup de grace came from the General himself, whose stomach began to rumble. Muffled by the thick fabric of his tunic, the microphone heard it as a prolonged, ill-masked belch of great magnitude. With snarls of rage, many of the diplomats stormed out of the U.N. meeting, wholly aghast at the rudeness they'd witnessed. With a heavy, heart-worn sigh,Case sat down in his chair and took a very long pull from his tumbler of ice-water. --- Maximus 2.01wb * Origin: Oceanarium--Wrath of the Killer Echomail Campaign from Mars (1:163/438) item: 44 subj: let's see from: Captain C on : Sat 19-Nov-1994 12:55a Smalljaw, stared up at the top of the aquarium ledge, still amazed at the swiftness of the Wayne. "Surely, if he can do it, so can I," He thought to himself. Smalljaw took a deep breath, and measured the height. He gasped in another lung of air, and got himself mentally prepared for the jump. One final inhale, and Smalljaw, charged for his hopefully, record breaking high jump. "I think I can," run run run, "I think I can," run run run. Smalljaw sprang off of his feet with cat like grace, "I know I can, I know I CAN!" Unfortunately, Small jaw could not reach the height, and with his last yell, he jumped straight into the top half of the aquarium wall, leaving him to slowly slide down to the floor. "This is going to require some thought." ****************** ************************** ******************* ************ Smith and his ring had finally made an agreement that they would no longer fight in public, as police officers would enjoy taking a break from eating doughnuts to take smith down to the drunk tank for the night. They would only rely on muttering quiet obcenities to each other, if the occasion arose. One of these times was now. "I still think that your a loser," The ring muttered. "Then why don't you leave?" Smith replied. The conversation was cut short when Smith tripped over something that was in the middle of the street. He got up and looked behind to see what this object was. Smith immediately recognized the suit of Giovanni's men and immediately a plan came into his mind. He dragged the headless corpse and donned it's clothes. "Your a very sick man,"The ring commented. He then waited around the street for something to happen. Eventually something did. An old car that looked like it belonged in an old Sam Spade movie drove up beside him, and the passenger stuck his head out. "Did you get them?" the passenger asked. "Get who?" Smith asked innocently. "The big guy and that dame," replied the passenger. "Uh... no," Smith said, wondering if maybe he should have thought out his plan better. "The don will want to talk to you then," The passenger of the car growled. It was just a second after that, when Smith felt something heavy hit him on the back of hi head. He turned around and saw two very big thugs wearing pin striped suits, each wielding a kitchen sink. "Yup, that's heavy," Smith thought as he faded into blackness. item: 45 subj: A Rude Awakening from: Ciao Durhed on : Mon 21-Nov-1994 2:09p It was dark.... Very dark.... There wasn't even a sign of those little dots you get when you squeeze your eyelids shut too hard for hours at a time. It wasn't that it was that it was dark, it's that there seemed to be an absent of light. A confused mind registered this. The mind shuffled onwards in a creaking manner, kinda like a bed would after Dan and Roseanne slept on it. In the absence of anything that could be seen, search for something that could be heard... Again, nothing... No. Wait. There it was. A faint sound, slowly beckoning him. He carefully sorted out the confused tendrils of his mind and sent them out, searching for that distant sound, that sign of life. Agonizingly, after a period of what seemed like days, he grabbed hold of it, carressed it, nurtured it... He held that sound clutched to his chest, a sign of his ever-present life. It was the sound of someone vomiting. Not a peaceful or controlled vomit, but an all-out fountaining of unwanted waste that threatened to rip out the poor persons bowels so that everything could be properly wrung out from them. It was the sweetest sound he had ever heard. * * * The assembled doctors and nurses stood huddled around the two resident experts as they overlooked the patients. The only motion made in the room was made by one of the students who arrived late in the back, whiping the corner of his mouth with his white hospital gown while looking both pasty and greenish at the same time. One of the other students casually elbowed him in the ribs and whispered something sounding like "greasy sausages" in his ear, and the sound of running feet and muffled spurting were heard once again... But, meanwhile, the two doctors compared notes while looking down on the patient. "He's coming around." "Yup, it seems so." "Surprising. Considering the shape he was in, I never expected him to survive one day, let alone 6 months only to regain consciousness." "Yes, I never would've bet on that. Actually, I was down for three weeks and two days. Little bugger. I could've gone on vacation if he had of packed it in then." "I hear you. I expected him to go for a bit over 3 months only... Considering Jamie's going to college, we could've used the money." "Yeah." "Yeah." A pregnant pause ensued, as both doctors shuffled their feet and looked around shamefully. "Does this mean we have to give back his credit cards?" "Yes, I'm afraid so." "And his clothes?" (Sighing) "Yes, those too." "Even the boots? They're really nice boots!" "Yes, even the boots, I'm afraid." "Bugger... I guess we're going to have to find him a hospital bed now too, eh?" "I guess so. We certainly can't pass him off as simply a big piece of lint from the laundry room with him moving about and twitching and all." "No, I guess not. Say, why isn't he moving or anything? He's been semi-conscious for over two hours now." "Well, you know how when you oversleep for a couple of hours you get this sharp pain in the front of your head, and you feel like crap for the rest of the day?" "Yeah... I hate it when that happens..." "Yes, well... He's been asleep for... 6 months, 3 days, and 13 hours...." "Ooh... That must hurt..." "Certainly... He's not going to be very mobile for the first little while." Once again there was another pause, as the two doctors looked at their patient lying amongst the dirty laundry, surrounded by the critical eyes of their students and peers. "So... Ummm... Do you suppose we should get him some aspirin or something...?" * * * His mind was a fog... A fuzzy, graying type of fog that pervaded all his senses... But this was probably good, seeing as he had a hangover comparable to one you'd get from trying to join the Century Club drinking Long Island Iced Tea.... and making it. As his mind drifted in and out of consciousness (mostly out of it), two thoughts became apparant to him.... Firstly, he was Peewee Pinrut, and he had been in a coma for a long, long time. Secondly, a friend of his was in trouble. He wasn't sure who, and he wasn't sure why, but this coma had come about from him being too close to the answer. It involved someone close... Someone very close to his friend... And that someone was not who had they had appeared to be. Such evil... Such malice... It was almost too much to bear... However, before memory could be recalled, a more pressing third thought occured to him... Six months between bathroom trips was a long time... item: 46 subj: Mah gawd, 'e's BACK! from: Feral Ferret to : Commies on : Mon 28-Nov-1994 8:24p Any last vestiges of tranquility atmosphere of the Oceanarium was shattered by the sound of a roaring car engine. *CRASH!* The repeatedly broken front gate was crashed through by a late model sedan, the front fenders and bumper crumpling somewhat in the impact. The car skidded to a stop a dozen meters inside the compound, great clouds of billowing steam issuing from the car's broken radiator. "SO I CAN'T DRIVE! SUE ME!" bellowed a deep male voice, obviously quite irate. Hurling the door open, and nearly ripping it off its hinges, a large, burly man stepped out of the driver's seat of the now-defunct car, turned around, and slammed a fist onto the roof of the car, leaving a sizeable dent. "Take it easy, Steiner," murmured a voice from the other side of the car. Steiner twitched a few times, breathed deeply, then strode off, Sequoia in his wake. As they walked through the compound, they heard rhythmic sounds of thumping, then a loud splat. More thumps, then a loud splat. Ahead, an underground tank, and inside was a somewhat familiar form, who, with mindless intensity, would take a mad, charging spring, leap into the air, and smack into the side of the tank with a loud, painful splat, slide back down the wall, pick himself up, shake his head a few times, and repeat the process. Sequoia stood and watched the process with great fascination, wholly missing Steiner's departure into the depths of the building. Finally, Smalljaw's face reporting to his brain that it would soon rebel and go its separate way if the abuse continued, he stood still, peered around, and finally noticed Sequoia standing on the rim of the tank, a broad smile on her face. She burst into a hearty round of applause. "Wench!" he yelled, "throw me down a rope!" "Why sir, dost thou speak to me?" she inquired, her smile widening by the second. "Do as I say, vile female!" he screamed, a few flecks of froth flying from his mouth as he worked himself into a righteous tizzy. She clasped a hand to her heart and stared at the sky theatrically. "Oh, very well, noble sir," she sighed, "I shall do as you command." She disappeared from sight, shortly returning with a coil of rope. "Is this, sir, what you sought?" she cooed to Smalljaw. His reply was rather vociferous and not very well suited for print. "I shall do as you command, sir," she replied, and so saying, threw the entire coil of rope at him. "You did, after all, desire me to throw you a rope," she deadpanned. Her eyes immediately widened, and she paused for a half second, before hastily sidestepping. A large whaling hook crashed to the ground precisely where she stood, splintering off bits of concrete and showering them down into the tank. "AAAAAAAAAR!" screamed Wayne, his great entrance delayed greatly by vile authors, who had wished to work in a rather bad joke. Now quite irate, blood was the only thing on his mind. Sequoia skipped backwards quickly, hastily managing to unsheath her sword. It glowed with a horribly bright, radiant power, causing her to wince briefly and squint her eyes instinctively. Wayne immediately turned to attack again, and she was barely able to deflect his blow in time. "WHALE KILLER!" he yelled, swinging his weapon with a talent only the truly berserk could master. Sequoia was silent as she desperately parried, her skills barely enough to protect herself from his fury. "I SAW YOU TAUNTING MY WHALES WITH THAT ROPE!" He kept driving her back, and they had nearly completed an entire lap of the tank. His constant strikes kept her from unsheathing her secondary weapon and counter-attacking. * * * "I raise you five," muttered a guard, tossing a couple of battered chips on the table, then leaning his chair back against the door. "Yah," shrugged another, pausing to scratch an itch on his belly before tossing his chips in. He congratulated his successful scratching with a rather loud burp. "Show 'em." The cards were, in fact, shown, when the only door to the building was hurled open with a crash, knocking the chair and its occupier flying into the table, which sent cards, poker chips, and several crumpled cans of beer flying. The only guard left seated looked up at the door, to see a woman, five foot ten, wearing leather pants, a white t-shirt, and elbow-length leather gauntlets, standing in the door, with a sort of pose that let you know that she did that sort of door-crashing often, and with great ease. Seeing the guard's somewhat startled and dismayed expression, her face lit up into a broad smile. "Hi!" she said, then stepped forward and crashed a powerful fist into his face, knocking him out of his chair and his consciousness. --- Maximus 2.01wb * Origin: Oceanarium--Wrath of the Killer Echomail Campaign from Mars (1:163/438) item: 47 subj: Course I'm baaAAAck.. And I feel fiiIIne from: Ciao Durhed on : Wed 30-Nov-1994 3:35p The next few weeks were harried ones as Peewee Pinrut slowly began to recover control of his body, little used in over half a year. Beneath the movements and the exercises there was a drive, a determination, and even a little bit of fear that kept him pushing for a fast recovery. It went beyond regaining control of his facilities so that they would take the tubes out of his nether regions, proving to be DAMNED UNCOMFORTABLE, but a series of flashbacks pushed him, for they gave insight into the knowledge that he held... Over and over the flashbacks replayed through his mind. The four months he had spent before he turned up in that dark alleyway were nothing more than a tunnel of darkness in his mind, with an occasional bolt of lightning shedding light.... "Ah-ha... With these peas as my soldiers I will take over the world!!!!!!" "Hey... who didn't tell me about the bri....(thump)." (high pitched squeal) "Oh Peewee, your name certainly doesn't fit the proper description...." "I'm sorry Peewee, you had the right answer, but you forgot to put in the form of a question...." "And if you send me just $100 of your hard-earned money, I will devote that money to my special Pee-Wee's roller coaster to God bank account, and I'll guarantee your salvation when I get there..." (a burly, gruff voice) "Hey, what are you doing with your... Oh god, you sicko!!! I don't know where you're from, but we don't pick our noses in public in these parts!!!" (old, weary, disbelieving voice) "Today we are here to judge the case of one Peewee Pinrut, charged with kidnapping the queen with the intention of causing great bodily damage... Now, the defense argues that he was simply interested in buying her a drink and playing some pool..." "You call that a salute? I'll give you a salute..." (followed by a rustling of trousers) (Whispering of a female voice) "He trusts me, and he doesn't suspect a thing. I've been playing innocent for years now, and I've slowly drawn him in. I'm telling you, it won't be long now. There's no hint of what's coming, and if if there were, he wouldn't suspect me of being in on it... First we'll get him, and then the rest of the world will..." I stumbled, and eyes burning with hatred and anger focussed on me, flames flickering deep inside them. I hesitated, lost in the hatred there, and then I ran,scrambling out of that run down old building as fast as I could, screams and shooting ringing behind me. I escaped, the knowledge hidden deep within me that my friends were in deep trouble. I knew my life was without meaning as soon as I learned of that secret. No more afternoons of those romantic and sensual afternoons lying in bed watching tv and dreaming about Sharon, Lois, and Bram... My life was forfeit, I had a job to do... I dodged and ran until my lungs were raging with fires, and even then I kept running... But I could not escape. I was finally trapped in an alleyway, back against a building, watching the alleyway entrance as those burning eyes came in and advanced towards me... There was only one chance, one way out, and it was a faint one at that... But it had to be done... Turning around, Peewee Pinrut beat his head against the wall over and over until he knocked himself unconscious. He was so strong in his will however that he even went beyond his unconscious state to continue beating his head against the wall until he drove himself into a deep coma, where those burning red eyes couldn't reach him.... Ok. We've all heard better and more successful plans, but you weren't there, and the writer was on holidays, so back off!!!! It worked, that's all that counts!!!!!!! * * * Too long had passed. For all he knew his friends might have already succumbed to the evil. Peewee gathered all his belongings together and left the hospital, fate dragging him out of his safe haven. He paused once at the door, long enough to talk to a doctor, trying to express the confusion he was feeling. "Doctor, are you sure this is everything I had with me." Beads of sweat appeared on the doctor's forehead, and he answered in a stammering, nervous voice, "Yes, it's all there. Of course it is. You're not missing anything are you. No, of course not. Everything's there, really... Really, it is... Really..." Peewee looked himself over and looked back at the doctor, "Well, if you say so. It just seems damned odd..." Peewee turned and left the hospital, clad in black jeans, shirt, and trenchcoat, along with a pair of pink hospital issue slippers.... "What the hell was I thinking... I know pink isn't my colour...." item: 48 subj: Where, oh where, did that big chunk of f from: Feral Ferret to : Oh Henry on : Wed 30-Nov-1994 4:41p "Pardon me, sir," began Kramodac, approaching a guard, who hastily yanked his billy club from his belt and patted it into his other hand, a nasty-looking grin on his face. "Ya know, we don't likes 'scapees 'round here," he drawled, advancing slowly on Kramodac. "Oh!" Kramodac looked genuinely taken aback, "I'm terribly sorry, sir," he said, slowly beginning to backpedal. "You wouldn't believe me if I said that there was a huge, gorgeous woman behind you, waiting patiently for my signal to brain you with a large table leg, would you?" he asked. "What, you 'spect me t'fall for the oldest trick in th'book or sumptin'?" he growled. "Well, something like that, yes..." Kramodac replied, a long, sad look on his face. "Well, hit him, I guess," he sighed. Before his words were finished, a large table leg crashed into the back of the man's head, sending his helmet flying and knocking the man staggering forward. "OW, HEY!" bellowed the guard, who glared at Kramodac. "I'm terribly sorry, but I did warn you," he countered, and so saying, kicked the guard in the groin. The guard groaned in pain and doubled over. Janne stepped forward and smashed him on the head with her table leg, once again, shattering her makeshift club with the impact. "OW OW OW OW!" yelled the guard, holding his head with both hands. Janne took his club and began beating on him brutally, loud, painful thumps greeting each blow, with increased yells of pain from the guard, who hastily tried to cover each new wound with his hands. Finally, Kramodac motioned to Janne to stop, and in a few minutes, the guard's yelling died down as well. "Look," he began, "We don't really want to hurt you. Would you let us go if we gave you a dead rat?" "Owwww," moaned the guard, "Owww. What would I do with a dead rat?" "Weeeeelll..." thought Kramodac, hastily thinking, "You could tie a string to its tail, then swing it around in a big arc and gross lots of people out." The guard pondered for a second, his face clouding over in thought. Suddenly, an eerie spark shot to his eyes, and a happy smile lit his face. "Sure!" he said, "thanks!" Kramodac handed him the dead rat, and both he and his bodyguard bolted down the hallway, while the guard twirled his dead rat in circles in front of him, making airplane noises and buzzing around the halls. * * * Its mission finished, a cute, furry little kitten disappeared entirely from General Case's pocket, found comfortable accomodations in a cattle-car in a north-bound train, and settled down for a little nap with several sheep. --- Maximus 2.01wb * Origin: Oceanarium--Wrath of the Killer Echomail Campaign from Mars (1:163/438) item: 49 subj: pop goes the weasle from: Captain C on : Wed 30-Nov-1994 10:06p Smalljaw paused as he debated about trying to get to the top of the wall. So far all of his attempts had been a dismal failure. Of course, Smalljaw had been getting use to dismal failures since he got here. Being mocked by the wench was also a tremendous blow to the ego as well. He sat down on the floor of the aquarium, listening to the battle between the woman and the crazed man, and barely noticed a shadow casting on his form. He did notice, and he did look up. At the top of aquarium was a tiny man with wire rimmed specs and seemed to be carrying a clipboard. "Are you Smalljaw?" The man shouted, completely oblivious to the battle around him. "Yes," Smalljaw replied, not sure what to make of this man. "I represent the people who read this story, and I'm afraid that they don't approve of you." The man said looking through his clipboard, "We attempted to have you cancelled before, and how you avoided that is beyond me. I'm afraid that this time there wil be no escape." Smalljaw gave a nervous twitch as the man pulled out a small gun and fired it at the barbarian. Colours swirled around smalljaw in a 70's acid trip style, and when the colors faded, Smalljaw found himself in a dark room. He looked around and saw the entire cast to the A-Team, and The tom arnold show. they came up and welcomed Smalljaw, and envited him to talk about his exploits. As Smalljaw would begin to speak, everyone would innterrupt, talking about their shows. "So this must be hades," Smalljaw guessed, and sat down to an enternity of bad stories. *************************************************** Smith was led into a dark room and was thrown in quite rudely. "You wait here,till wees figure wot to do wich ya," The pin striped man grunted, slamming the door behind him. After about an hour of waiting, Smith decided that he didn't like being there, so he reached deep into his pocket and pulled out a small coin. "It's morphin time!" He shouted, bring the coin up to his face. "Some really big impressive dinozord!" He shouted again, dropping the coin as his last words drooled out of his mouth. The coin fell to the ground with a quiet "clink" leaving only the laughter of the gaurds to fill the room. Smith was quite dissapointed as thre was no big transformation and no cool special effect. Not even one little spark, dammit. He decide to work on the coin as he waited fr whatever fate to become him. item: 50 subj: Don't touch the door! from: Flipper to : Susie on : Thu 1-Dec-1994 6:37a Carolina looked around herself, blinking. The dark, somewhat dank office was unnerving in it's stillness. She sensed, somehow, that something had changed. Probably a change for the better, she felt, but not one that was going to get what she needed to do, done. She stood up and headed towards the door, where a thin outline of light indicated the hall was still brightly lit. Suddenly the door slammed open, and a fearsome shadow lunged at her. * * * Fliporous had left the Oceanarium and was wandering downtown, searching for a place to start his army. However, he was rather discouraged by the absolute lack of intelligent life in the city. Finally, he decided, he was going to have to pick some humans. He would need some who were rowdy, stupid, full of energy and looking for a cause. A basement door opened, blasting an incomprehensible roar of sounds into the street. Fliporous winced at the sound, but watched the door in curiousity. A couple walked out. Fliporous stared blankly at the tall orange mohawk on one, and the long blue and pink hair on the other. They were smoking an odd subtance which irritated his blowhole, and seemed to leave them rather oblivious to the world around them. "Perfect," he smiled inwardly. He entered the room. * * * Flipper paced his new room, nervously trying to figure out just what he was going to do. He couldn't quite understand how he had got here, or how to get back. He was rather nervous, too, and he desperately wanted to see Carolina again. Thinking of Carolina made him feel a little guilty about the incident he had had that morning. Suddenly, Flipper stopped. He turned his face upwards slightly. "Hold it right there!" he yelled. A passing guard stopped outside the room, and stood stiffly at attention. "I *know* what you've been planning, and I'll have you know, I'm not going to stand for it anymore!" continued Flipper. The guard began to sweat, wondering how anyone, especially the mighty Fliporous, could have known about his plans to sneak into the kitchen and take a couple of extra tuna home for his own pleasure. The thought about how much he enjoyed the fresh tuna, shipped in especially for Fliporous, made him sweat even more. "Stop ignoring me!" shouted Flipper, obviously irritated by the being at whom he was shouting. "There you go again! You know it's you whom I'm shouting at, and stop scaring that stupid guard. What do I care about what he likes to do with tuna?" The narrator, choosing to feign ignorance, ignored Flipper's rants, and instead chose to describe how the guard, stressed beyond his limits, collapsed in a heap outside the room. "All right, then, I'll fix you!" shouted Flipper. Several peasants out in the courtyard, having heard the last few bits of the outburst, shuddered inwardly in sympathy for the guard, and continued their work. * * * Fliporous' eyes never fully adjusted to the dark, smoky room, especially with the flashing 1000w strobe lights and hi-intensity lasers flashing around. He found his sonar to be barely functional, if he tried his hardest to tune out the clashing noises that apparently passed as music to these people. Finally, he located what he was after: a stage. All he had to do what get onto it, disable the noise generators, and tell these people what he wanted of them. They were obviously in desperate need of a cause and, while not his best choice, they would do for a start. He began pushing through the crowd, and suddenly found himself in a small bowl-shaped depression, full of people pushing and shoving each other. He found himself jostled rudely around, and literally unable to proceed towards the stage. A short, chubby, bald man with a purple beard suddenly leapt at him, and shoulder checked him squarely in the beak. Staggering back slightly in the pain, he growled menacingly at the man. "Hey, dude, anything goes in the pit," called the man, barely audible over the noise. Fliporous was incensed, and summoned all his strength. With powerful flicks of his flippers and tail, he began tossing moshers left and right, and advancing towards the stage. The people closed in quickly behind him, with only a few people even pausing to admire his strength. He reached the stage and climbed onto it, looking around. He quickly saw that the noise was being generated by an electronic device of some kind, and simply pulled the plug. The silence was, literally, deafening. Several moments later, as the crowd realized that the music had stopped, they looked up at him and called in unison. "AWWWWWWWWWW!" 'Brain dead,' thought Fliporous. But he resolved to go through with his plan. "People," he called, using his best mustering voice. "The time has come for us to band together. Together, we have within our grasp the ability for complete unison, and ultimate fulfillment." Remarkably, the people listened. * * * "I told you I was going to ruin your plans," muttered Flipper. He walked over to his bedside table. "I know what these moonrocks are for... they will get me home. I'm tired of you plotting to ruin my life and make me miserable over and over again. I'm tired of your interferance. LEAVE ME ALONE!" He reached down and grabbed the moonrocks, and held them aloft. "AH HA!" he shouted, triumphantly. A gentle touch running down his back, and circling his dorsal fin made him stop, and he turned around. Athena was standing before him, already nude, and obviously ready to accomodate him. "I know what you might like," she cooed. "Would you like me to cover myself with butter for your pleasure?" * * * "...and so, my friends, it is the time for us to complete our ultimate goal, the most important mission of all time. And to complete this goal, I want you to..." * * * Flipper felt himself becoming flustered, as well as mildly embarrassed. What he didn't notice were the moonrocks in his flippers beginning to glow as his temperature rose. "B..but.." he stammered. "Why would it please me to see you..." The moonrocks suddenly flared as the energy in Flipper's excitement rushed through them, and activated their power. Flipper an Fliporous both felt an odd draw of their sensations, and then they felt themselves swap places. The effect was so quick that neither noticed right away. "...cover yourself with butter?" finished Flipper. There was utter silence in the room, as the punks looked at each other curiously. There was a growing rumble in the room, as Flipper looked around blankly, trying to orient himself. "Yeah!" shouted someone from the corner, suddenly. "He's right! That's the mission!" The slowly growing rumble quickly progressed to a roar of assent, and 752 punkers scrambled to leave the underground party room, and formed a wave rushing rapidly towards the nearest grocery store, overtaking everything in it's path. Many middle-aged and older ladies sustained mild shock as the punkers stormed into the local grocery store, heading straight for the milk products aisle. The first two dozen were able to grab the butter and, stripping down, proceeded to lather themselves with it, taking special care to get under their arms and behind their ears. The remainer, not so quick, looked around blankly for a moment. Many quickly reasoned that margarine was the same thing, and started smearing the product over themselves. Others tried no-stick spray, cooking oil, and raw milk. Suddenly, a margarine-wearer with eight-inch spiked hair bumped into a butter-dude with seventeen earrings in each ear. The butter- dude's eyes narrowed as he examined Mr Margarine. "*BUTTER* IS THE SACRED COVER!" he screamed, leaping at Mr Margarine's throat. The resulting brawl began to cause severe damage to the grocery store as a whole, and at that point the narrator discreetly left, carrying the last block of butter. * * * "...attack the authorities, and rule the world!" finished Fliporous. "Later," cooed Athena, "let me have my fun, first." Fliporous eyed Athena lustfully, and decided very quickly that world domination could wait until later. * * * "Ms. Carolina! There you are!" called Bud, from on top of Carolina. He had rushed in so quickly that he had knocked her over, and the two of them lay sprawled on the floor of the office. "I've been looking everywhere for you! Are you going back to the Oceanarium now?" item: 51 subj: I hate frozen Jamaican patties. from: Feral Ferret to : Bleah. on : Thu 1-Dec-1994 7:20a "STEINER!" Finally gaining her wits about her, Sequoia bellowed at the tops of her lungs, adding several additional words to her imperatives that curdled the very air and caused a few flowers nearby to wilt appreciably. Steiner, just beginning his search of the compound, heard the shouting, and charged out, nostrils flaring, to see Wayne and Sequoia battling it out around the whale tank. Baring his teeth in anger, Steiner charged headlong at Wayne, catching him from behind with a brutal clothesline, which sent him hurling into the whale pit, to land in the bottom with a very sick and painful sounding *thump*. Sequoia, still panting, walked up to the edge of the pit, looked down, saw Wayne's prone form and winced in sympathetic pain, despite the fact the man had tried to kill her less then thirty seconds ago. Her eyes scanned the pit expertly: Wayne's wallet, concrete chips, the rope, a whaling hook, the paint colour (a weird cyan), oh, oh yeah, and some barely-conscious maniac. Not even worth mentioning. Probably has good stuff in his wallet, though. She blinked, and looked again. Yes, the wallet was still there, as were the chips, the rope, the hook, the paint (still the same cyan colour), and even that barely-conscious guy... but there was something missing. She strained her mind to think back to the recent past. The rope tugged at her memory, and Steiner paused briefly to aim a punch off-screen. A muffled thump and a brief grunt of pain ensued, and the author vowed to avoid bad puns in the future. Finally, she spotted what was missing; some guy, some perfect little maniac with a deformed jaw, was no longer there, or was that it? The intense thinking began to bother her. "Steiner," she whined, "can we go now?" "In a minute," he grunted. "Hey, you!" he called, adressing Wayne's prone form, "By the Neo-Geo convention of fighting games, 1992, having defeated you in combat, I demand that you tell me where Flipper is." Wayne, looking very much the worse for wear, stood up raggedly and wobbled about in a daze. "He went that-a-way," he moaned, still wobbling, then finally fell back down, the last little bit of pain giving him the impetus to lapse from consciousness. Steiner looked at Sequoia. Sequoia looked at Steiner. They looked at each other. (Damn, they were good at this.) Finally, the awful silence was broken by Sequoia, who coughed and muttered, sotto voce, "I need a drink. I think I'm gonna wear a trenchcoat." And, finally, with that, purpose lent new life to their limbs, for they ceased their catatonic staring and headed off in a random direction, hoping to find something else to do that didn't require so much thought. --- Maximus 2.01wb * Origin: Oceanarium--Wrath of the Killer Echomail Campaign from Mars (1:163/438) item: 52 subj: Ok... Let's Rawk!!! from: Ciao Durhed on : Wed 7-Dec-1994 12:50a Pitter pat pitter pat pitter pat pitter pat pitter pat pitter pat pitter... "Hey, look at the fag with the pink slippers!!!!!" Pitter pat pitter pat pitter pat (pause) (retching) (pause) "Pink slipper this!!!!!" Pitter pat pitter pat pitter pat pitter pat pitter pat (fading) * * * Peewee had a job to do... It was up to him to save his friend, and possibly to save the world from great jeaopardy. Thus, it was up to him to make a plan... After two hours of sitting on a park bench plotting, the only thing he had to show for it, however, was a desire to create an anti-bird dropping device that would deter pigeons from thinking a motionless person was a statue... (At which point I'd like to intervene to say that pigeons, as all birds, know exactly what is a statue and what is a motionless human being... They just think it's funny as hell to pretend they don't) The only thing that Peewee resolved was that a base of operations was needed... An apartment or a room in a house where he could perform a proper surveillance operation and he could learn what it was he was looking for. Peewee needed information, and he needed confirmation... And he knew where to get it... * * * Two nights later, Peewee sat skulkingly (not possible by dictionary terms, but he made it work) in his new black trenchcoat and goofy baseball type cap, listening on his phone tap. So far he had heard nothing that would shed light on his theory. He still needed to know who was in trouble, who was involved, and what he had to do to prevent it. Worse still, he was running out of time. No... scratch that... Peewee was out of time. It was time for him to take drastic measures to discover what was going on... No, not because he was pressed with an ideal of the protection of the innocent... Not because he had an undeniably belief in justice... No.... It went deeper than that.... He had run out of donuts... Whatever the reason that propelled him, Peewee... ummm... propelled. Peewee left his room, got on his pink slippers, and then left the housing, crossing the street to the one opposite it (looking both ways first). Using all of his skills as a thief (none) Peewee skulked up to the front door and slowly pushed it open, as it was fortunately unlocked. Inside, the house was dark and silent, except for the brief sporatic periods of faint clacking in the distance. Going forward, Peewee came to a T-juncture, and to his left, underneath a door at the far end of the hallway, a thin hint of light escaped, lighting Peewee's route to his information. Creeping forward, Peewee eased up to the door and slowly eased it open, revealing no hint to the occupant that there was someone there. Peewee cautiously looked around the room as a twenty-some year old guy typed away at a computer, back to the door. There, on the corner of the desk beside the computer.... That was what he was looking for!!! Stacked cautiously underneath the mouse was a thin sheet of paper, on top of which was written in scratchy lettering: "Oceanarium Plot". Peewee carefully snuck forward, and in a lightning quick move grabbed the sheet of paper and simultaneously struck the writer across the back of the he.... ....ack.....9.....1.............1..........(thump) item: 53 subj: 1 from: Captain C on : Wed 7-Dec-1994 1:54a Smith woke up to find himself on a couch. the couch was colored an awful tan color, that matched the tan colored carpet, which matched the tan colored walls. Hanging on the walls were tan painted pictures of tan colored matadors, fighting tan colored bulls. Smith casually looked around and tried to figure out why everything was tan. He slapped his head in an act of 'My god, How could I forget,' and removed the tan sunglasses on his head. Instead of tan, everything was now a bright shade of white. So bright that Smith had to shied his eyes from the omipresent light source. After much failure, he put the glasses back on. He walked to the frnt door of this building and left to go eat. He walked into the now familiar restaurant, and ordered the breakfast special number one. he looked to his right and saw the same old guy, talking to his eggs again. Smith took a closer look and realized that the eggs were the same ones that were bearing the conversation, the last time, he saw this guy. Of course the eggs were now covered with enough mold to keep a third world country stocked up on penicillan for a year. No-one else seem to notice the old guy. After the breakfast, Smith walked out of the downtown district, and apparently lost in thought. So lost in fact, that he didn't even know what he was thinking. Of course walking like this often leads for people to accidently get placed in an awkrward situation, and Smith was no exception. while lost in thought he stumbled into an automatic carwash. This quickly brought Smith back to reality. "Hey what the heck?" "Ow! this is hot!" How do I get out of here! Oh no! My foot is caught in the conveyor belt! OW! Hot wax!It's melting my polyester suit." Emerging from the Carwash was a man who had undergone a few changes. The once really swift blue ployester suit had melted in a skin tight body suit that covered the face, and the Super Suds Soap(tm) had been soaked through the pours of his skin, giving him a new sense of energy. He tried to speak, but, the suit had covered his mouth, and when he moved his mouth, the ripping of the polyester, caused a bit of pain. Smith walked in pain trying to get a grasp of what had just happened when he failed to notice that he had walked onto the street. "Hey Bob, Look at that weirdo on the street." Joe said, as he sat in the passenger seat of the ford fairlane, baring down Smith. "What a goof," Bob replied, while driving "I'll bet you ten bucks, that when you hit him, he'll fly over the roof" "let's find out. vrrrrrrooooooommmmmmm*thud*mmmmmmmm Smith body connected with pavement rather rudely. "I guess I owe you ten bucks" Bob said Smith stood up. That was extremely painful, but apparenty he took no damage. He marveled at the fact that other than pain he was okay, he never noticed the kenworth. The truck connected squarel with him, and Smith was given the chance to experience how a hood ornament felt. Finally the truck swerved, throwing Smith clear. Again he stood up and marvelled about how other than pain he was okay. He looked around to get his bearings. He saw a sign that read: Flipper's Oceanarium. "Hopefully they'll have a phone," Smith thought as he walked into the compound. item: 54 subj: new awakenings and the Lightening Force from: Flipper on : Wed 7-Dec-1994 6:47p Flipper arrived back at the Oceanarium in a sort of a daze, beginning to forget things that had happened to him in the other dimension. His top priorities were to go home, have a nice warm bath, soak for a while, and go to sleep. He hoped Carolina would be home, and a quick glance reminded the narrator that he wasn't the least bit interested in feeling guilty. He passed through the front gate and was about to head for the main building when he heard a moaning sound, very weak, coming from the orca tank. He was at first inclined to ignore it, until he remembered that the orcas were long gone, and the tank was therefore pretty safe for him. He approached the tank and looked in. Wayne looked pitifully back up at him. "Wayne!?" called Flipper incredulously. "Are you ok? What happened?" Wayne simply moaned again in reply. Flipper looked quickly around, and noticed a man who seemed to be wearing a rather rigid polyester body-suit standing near the gate, looking lost. "Hey!" he called. "Come give me a hand over here!" The man walked over, somewhat stiffly. "Help me get him out of here and into the building," Flipper told him, jumping down. The man jumped down behind him, and promptly collapsed from the 18 foot drop. Flipper felt a little guilty until he saw the man stand up, apparently unharmed, although moaning a little. Eventually, between the two of them, they got Wayne into Flipper's living room on the couch, and Flipper applied a cold towel to Wayne's forehead. He was beaten pretty solidly. His eyes flicked open. "Wayne, what happened?" asked Flipper. "Who did this to you?" "They.. they're looking.. for you," grated Wayne. "Who?" asked Flipper, looking at Smith. Smith shrugged. "Are.. are you going to hit me again?" asked Wayne. "Me? No!" replied Flipper. "Good.. I'll be.. ok. After I rest.." Wayne passed out, but appeared to be sleeping ok. Flipper stood up. "Well, thanks," he said to Smith. "I didn't catch your name?" Smith made some elborate hand gestures and pointed at his mouth, where the melted polyester and wax compounds had sealed his mouth. "That must be uncomfortable, do you want it off your mouth?" Smith nodded rapidly. Flipper attempted to peel some of the compound off Smith's mouth,but it was simply too hard. He then tried a sharp knife, which broke. Then he tried a hammer and chisel, but that simply rattled Smith's head. (For which Flipper apologized repeatedly.) Finally, at his wit's end, Flipper pulled out a small propane torch. Smith's eyes went wide with fright, but Flipper was determined. "Just hold still... this might hurt a little!" * * * Carolina and Bud walked down the sunny, shiny street, window-shopping, laughing, and generally having a very good time together. Carolina remarked to herself how she'd like to have a little boy like Bud... well, maybe a little more dolphin, but.. he was so full of life. Bud, meanwhile, secretly wished that Carolina was his mother, since she seemed to give him so much more freedom that he normally got when his mom took him shopping, which was usually for hair spray and dresses and to talk with her beauty parlor friends. Carolina actually looked at the toys with him, and laughed at cartoon pictures, and lots of other things he liked. But, he supposed that it would be a little weird to have a dolphin for a mom. But, generally, they enjoyed their afternoon together, enough so that when Carolina saw that it was nearly 4:30, she was genuinely surprised. "I've got to get back to the Oceanarium!" she gasped. "I have to find out what's going on! I can't believe I forgot!" "What's wrong?" asked Bud. Seeing her sudden change from happy to frightened make him nervous. "It's nothing, Bud, really. But I have to go now.. and you better go home, too. I had a really fun time today." Bud mentally shook his head. 'Why did adults always lie to kids?' he wondered. He knew something was up. But he pretended he hadn't caught on. "Ok," he said, cheerfully. "See you later!" He turned and rounded a corner. A moment later he peeked around the corner to see Carolina start down the street and hail a cab. He'd have to take a shortcut to get to the Oceanarium before her. * * * Contrary to what Flipper warned, it hurt quite a lot. But Flipper did finally manage to loosen a small piece of the plastic compound over Smith's mouth, and with a mighty tug, he ripped it free, simultaneously ripping all of the associated facial hairs free, too. Though physically unhurt, Smith spent the next few moments rolling on the ground in pain. Suddenly, he stood up, took a deep breath, and yelled. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!! owowowowowow!" Smith bounced around the room, as Flipper watched with a concerned eye. But, finally, the pain died down, and Smith paused, panting somewhat from his exertion. "Thanks," he said to Flipper, "I think." he offered a polyester-covered hand. "My name is Smith. Do you have a phone?" item: 55 subj: that's fruit from: Captain C on : Wed 7-Dec-1994 11:50p "Yes," Flipper said, "The phone is down the hall, and take a right. It's in my office." "Thanks," Smith said as he left the room. Smith rubbed the egdes around his mouth. Already they had smoothed out and seemed to meld with his skin. He passed by a bathroom and decided that he should take a good look at himself. The light flicked on, and Smith gasped at his reflection. This was of course, the first time he had seen himself since the carwash. Sure enough, he was covered from head to toe in a melted polyester suit, except for some wax which had hardened into perfect see through glass on his eyes. He also noticed to kinds of indentions on his back. one that said KIUB and the other said HTROWNEK. "Most likely from those vehicles," he thought to himself. Suddenly, an awful thought came across, as he looked at the toilet. "Just How am I supposed to go in this thing?" He sighed and went into the office to use the phone. ***** ****** ****** ****** ****** ***** ***** *** ** ** * * * * "I pity the fool who dresses up in cheap loincloth!" "Shut up!" !SOCK! "I pity the fool who maketh me lothe my teeth." ************** ********************* ******************* ************* Elsewhere, the night was calm, as a lowly man plotted. He drank from a McDonalds cup, and nibbled on a dried apple. He was working fervorishly on a set of blue prints, and would pause every few moments to burst in gales of meglomania. The author, tried to sneak up behind him, to see what he was typing, but was thwarted by a well placed plothole. Now totally alone, the man cackled and decide to turn in for the night. ######################## ########################### "Yes I would like to talk to Agent w," Smith spoke into the phone, after being on hold for an hour. "No I will not hold. Smith cursed as he was put on hold again, and waited for someone to answer. Eventually, someone did. "Hello?" a voice asked in a deep spanish accent. "W, This is U, I need a favour," Smith talked into the phone, just noticing an itch on his leg. There was a brief pause, "Uh.. (Now a cheap female voice) We're sorry, but the call can not be completed. This number is no longer in service and is in no ways connected to the top secret headquarters. Please hang up and don't ever call again." The sharp click, of a phone hanging up rang through Smith's ears. He tried to scratch his eg with dismal failure, and lost his temper. he tried everything to get to the itch, but the polester could not be dented. The only thing that had broke through was the propane torch, But Smith wasn't ready to burn himself, just to get the itch. It was then that he had realized that his ring had been melted off. "At last I'm rid of that stupid ring," Smith said to himself "Hey!" He heard the familiar sarcastic voice, "If we're talking stupid, what about a guy who walks through a carwash and gets a suit melted on to him. Then add, tyhat his ring melts in with the suit, to give the suit, nigh invuneralbility." "What?" "The suit is now nigh invunerable, While you wear it, you can't be killed, hurt yes, killed no. Of course fat chance of getting a suit off that has melted into your pours and then hardened." Smith sighed, "So what happens when my bladder fills up?" "The author will think of something." Another sigh emitted from Smith and he walked back to where flipper was. The suit/ring/whatever, agreed to keep quiet. item: 56 subj: true intentions are about to be revealed from: Captain C on : Thu 12-Jan-1995 1:08a Flipper stared at Smith, waiting for him to do something. It would seem that Smith was in deep thought over something, and Flipper knew that it would be rude to interrupt. Finally the pondering was over. "Do you have anything planned for the next couple of days?" Smith asked Flipper. "Well," the dolphin started to say before being rudely interrupted by the office door swinging open. Standing at the door was Stiener and Sequoia. Steiner glared around the room, Sequoia pointed at Smith and laughed. item: 57 subj: last entry for me from: Captain C on : Fri 17-Feb-1995 1:44a Smith stared at flipper, waiting fr his reply. Suddenly, A thought came to his mind. "Is something wrong?" Flipper asked looking at the changed expression on Smith. "Uh... forget what I said before," Smith stated ina somewhat Zombie state, "I suddenly have the starngest urge to go to Birma." With that said, Smith left the room, and walked out. **** **** *** *** *** *** *** *** ** *** *** *** item: 58 subj: The road goes ever on from: Flipper on : Mon 27-Feb-1995 5:30p Carolina walked in as Flipper stared at the door where Smith had left, heading for Burma. She saw Flipper, and drew back, wondering if it was Fliporous. But she caught a look in his eye, and recognized the honesty there. She smiled inwardly, and ran to him, throwing her fins around him and holding him tightly. Flipper hugged her back, happy to see her, but caught somewhat off-guard. "Carolina! I'm so happy to see you! Are you ok?" "Oh, Flipper!" replied Carolina. She buried her beak against his chest and chin. "I was worried about you. I didn't know what was going on! There was an evil impersonator running around! And he.. he.." "Hush, it's ok," replied Flipper. He lightly stroked her back, comforting her. "I know, I had some pretty strange things happening to me. But I think it's going to be ok now. I think, finally, that everything is going to be all right." Carolina snuggled in against him, smiling slightly. Somehow, in her heart, she felt that he was right. But she had to ask. "Do you really think so?" He held her tight, and smiled. "Yes, this time I really do." They both stood silently, holding each other. They thought of their future together, finally free from all the uncertainty of their past. A future where they could settle down, and live a quiet life together. The narrator bid them a silent farewell, finally freeing them to live without plots, and faded out. item: 59 subj: I guess this has to close things up. from: Feral Ferret to : Whoever, (sigh) on : Mon 27-Feb-1995 10:39p The scene changes to a nighttime city street; sodium lamps light overhead cast a baleful, yellow glow on the ground, illuminating everything with a harsh, unflattering glare. Two people, the city's banes, stand closely together, revelling in the light that would drive any other criminal away. "Hey, baby," muttered Steiner, looming ever-so-slightly to cast a shadow on Sequoia. "What?" she asked, her face lighting up with an expression of almost baby-like innocence. "Time to move on, I think," he muttered, his voice so low the sound came out almost as a growl. "Where to?" she asked. Steiner shrugged. "Somewhere." A click resounded from Sequoia's work, and the driver's side lock; that which had spent all of twelve seconds picking, no longer served to keep unwanted intruders out. She giggled, opened the door, and climbed in, Steiner following closely afterwards. A few ripped wires from beneath the console, and the truck's engine roared into life. Hissing sounds greeted his seemingly random twisting of knobs and levers. "Do you know what you're doing?" Sequoia asked. Steiner snorted softly. "Of course I do," he replied, and clutching in, began to send the truck in a weaving, sinuous curve down the road. "Oh, okay," replied Sequoia, hastily fastening her seatbelt. Smashed mailboxes and scraped car fenders marked their path of egress as clearly as a marching band. --- Maximus 2.01wb * Origin: Oceanarium--Wrath of the Killer Echomail Campaign from Mars (1:163/438) =================================================== harmlesslion.com - Not for Commercial Use